Fan Mail With the Stars
by Journalist793
Summary: This is my first shot at a TV show fic, so please don't hurt my feelings. This is when Percy and the gang reads and answers your mail, your questions, and anything else you feel like telling him. SORRY! THIS HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED!
1. Introduction

One day, Journalist793 was bored, which caused Percy to find out that he was a big time star with lots of fans. He told Annabeth and Grover, and eventually the news spread to Luke and Thalia, so they all went down to the post office and discovered they had millions of letters piling up with questions and comments and love notes and death threats, and they were unread, until now.

Amy- Hello! We're coming at you live with **Fan Mail With The Stars!**

Percy- I had no idea I had so many fans.

Annabeth- I'm ready to tackle any letter from my viewers.

Grover- Wow! I cannot believe that I am finally being recognized!

Luke-You people better say nice things to me.

Thalia- What is up with this "Thuke" thing! I don't like Luke, I'm a huntress. He is not my type! (Is red in the face from embarrassment. This is the way she gets when she lies.)

Amy- Anyway… everyone is so excited to be loved… except Luke, nobody loves him.

Luke- Wow, way to stick up for me, sis!

Amy- I only speak the truth.

Percy- Can we please get on with this before Rick Riordan makes me turn old.

Annabeth- Hey, why isn't Tyson here?

(Camera cuts to Tyson sun tanning on the beach.)

Amy- He's on a little vacation.

Grover- Hey, haven't there been other thing written like this before?

Amy- Yes. I am taking a shot at it, though.

Percy- Whatever, just bring on the mail.

Amy- (with yoda accent) Mm, bring on the mail, I cannot.

Annabeth- (stands up and is red in the face) WHAT! YOU TOLD US WE HAD MAIL, AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MAIL TO GIVE US!?

Amy- Mm, anger management problems, you have.

Percy- Okay, why can't we have our mail?

Amy- Because no one has sent us any, that's why!

Annabeth- YOU LIED TO US! YOU TOLD US WE HAD MAIL! GIVE US THE MAIL OR YOU WILL DIE A PAINFUL DEATH!  
Amy- (gulps) You heard her people, if I don't have any mail to give her, the woman will get mad.

Annabeth- (Starts to approach Amy with a rusty knife)

Amy-Help.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Wow, sorry about this being so random and short, but I really love those TV show things where you can interact with the audience, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I hope nobody thinks I'm a bad writer because of it, and I really hope that nobody thinks I'm copying them. I don't want to get on anyone's bad side, especially all of my favorite authors who wrote these kinds of things. So, yeah, send your fan mail, ask questions, send insults, pretty much anything goes. Please, I hope that no one hates this and then comes after me with a celestial bronze knife and calls me a bad writer! Okay, I really, really promise that the next chapter will be better when I have actual fan mail to present to these people. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE ON ME!**


	2. Donkeys Can Spell?

Amy- Annabeth, stop!

Annabeth- NO! Why should I?

Amy- Because you have mail!

Annabeth- (suddenly turns into miss bright and happy sunshine) Really?

Percy- (Pumps fist in the air) Cool!

Grover- Sweet

Percy- Oh! Give me a letter first!  
Luke- Ha, sucks to be you, because I'm getting that letter first.

Amy- (smiles) Everyone can have a letter!

Everyone- (cheers, jumps up and down, body slams each other, bangs head on wall until brains spill out, etc.)

Amy- I'm not cleaning that up.

Luke- It's okay, I didn't need it anyway.

Everyone except Luke- (Backs away slowly.)

Annabeth- Okay, give us the first letter!

Amy-Absolutely! This letter is from HorseyGal23:

I think this'll be an awesome show! lolz, I love these kinda things too. Anyways:  
Percy: You're an idiot. But I still think you're cool, because you can talk to horses, which I wish I could do.  
Luke: You suck. There's nothing else to it. Sorry! -coy smile-  
Annabeth: I dare you to tell Percy how you feel! That'd ease the awkwardness you feel when you two hang out. Care to compliment me on my smartness? lol...  
Thalia: You ROCK! You are like my idol. It's just I think my parents would freak if I started waring a dog collar. Heh. Do you like Paramore though? They're my fave band...and why are you in love with a jerk? Don't try to deny it, we all know you like Luke. :D

Amy- So, how do you like your first letter?

Everyone except Amy- (sits there with mouth hanging open.)

Amy- Nevertheless, I promised that these questions will be answered.

Annabeth- Promised who?

Amy- (points upward)

Grover- (gasps) you mean Zeus?

Amy- No! I promised blackjack, he's circling the building up above!

Thalia- (cocks head to the side) you promised a horse? I didn't know you were a daughter of Poseidon!

Amy- I'm not! I'm with stupid here. (Stands next to Luke.)

Luke- I am not stupid!

Amy- Then why'd you leave dad?

Luke-… no comment.

Amy- Okay, let's get some replies. Percy?

Percy- Thank you… I mean Hey! I mean… ah! Make up your mind woman. Okay, I am cool because I can talk to horses, I don't deny that, but why am I such an idiot?

Amy- Percy, you're idiocy is why everyone loves you. You're stupid, blind to love, and even a donkey can beat you at spelling!

Percy- NO! I've talked to a donkey, they're absolute numskulls!

Amy- Mmhmm, sure. Luke, you're turn.

Luke- I do not suck! Do I look like a vacuum to you? No, I do not, so my answer is WHATEVER! (snaps his fingers in a Z formation.)

 Amy- Okay, Annabeth?

Annabeth- (turns to Percy, and sappy love music plays) Percy, the way I really feel about you is…

Audience- (Leans in closer)

Annabeth- (music stops) You're stupid, blind to love, and a donkey can spell better then you!

Percy- Aww, so close!

Annabeth- So close to what?

Percy- Umm… hey has anyone seen my new shoes? They're Heelies, and they can—

Annabeth- SO CLOSE TO WHAT!?

Amy- Okay, Thalia, your turn.

Thalia- Thank you, I do rock. My advice on the dog collar business: Put on the collar after you leave the house, then take it off before you go back in! Paramore is pretty cool, but I'm all for Cake.

Grover- Oh! I like Cake, too! Chocolate is the best.

Thalia- No! Not that kind of Cake. The band, Cake.

Everyone except Thalia- (cocks head to the side.)

Thalia- You know, Carbon Monoxide, No Phone, Dime!?

Amy- Don't confuse the people here, we want them to come back next episode.

Thalia- Ugh, whatever. And I told you: THUKE IS JUST A MYTH! (Is red in the face again)

Amy- So were the Greek Gods, and look at who you're sending a letter to on Father's Day.

Thalia- No comment.

Amy- Okay, let's move onto our next Fan Mail! This one is from East of sun West of Moon.

Percy- I'm afraid.

Amy- Yesh, you should be.

Hello. I have some fanmail/quesions for you guys.

First-Seaweed-Brain erm Percy i'm sorry if this brings up bad memories but if Bianca Di angelo had wanted to be brought back would you have helped Nico?

Annabeth-this is kinda random but how do you feal about Austin Powers and seriously what would you do if Percy told you he knew a reall beautiful, talented girl that lived on an enchanted island (wink wink)

Thalia- I relly admire you you went through so much and then got trapped in time for the sake of your friends then finally free you became a huntress. Do you like being a huntress?Or Luke.Small voice don't kill me if he doesn't answer.

Grover-I feel kinda bad for you. You spent you life searching your lifes goal was to find Pan and then he died. Who does that make you feel?

And last but NOT least Luke- People do you love you well at least I do. I'm not to sure about them. Points to Amy, Annabeth, percy, and Grover I'm curious. Why did you really join Kronos? Truthfully. And I mean answer TRUTHFULLY or..or.. or I'll ..OR I'LL KISS YOU! Blushes scarlet

Bye thanks! Runs away in emmbarassement

Amy- Okay, before I answer these questions, let's bring out our special guests of the day!

Everyone- Special guests of the day?

Nico- (runs onto stage) Hey! I'm glad I could be here today.

A bunch of fangirls in the audience- (screams and one of them faints.)

Amy- Okay Nico, take a seat in the Special Guest Chair!

Nico- (sits)

Annabeth- Why did you bring Nico here?

Amy- because of them (points to fangirls who died of a heart attack)

Nico- I do have that effect on people.

Amy- Well, Nico will be here the rest of this episode and the next one- so if there are any fangirls out there still alive, you may send him some fan mail.

(Screams of millions of fangirl shatter windows.)

Amy- I'm not cleaning that up, either.

Thalia- Come on, let's get a move on.

Amy- Alright, Kelp Face, you're first.

Percy- That's seaweed brain to you.

Amy- We're burning daylight, seaweed brain!

Percy- Fine! Well, yes, I do think I would have helped him, his sister, because that's what friends do.

Nico- Oh… so touching. Now what's the real reason that you would've helped me.

Percy- You're dad is the god of death and I'm to young to die!

Nico- Hm! (grumbles)

Annabeth- Well, Austin Powers was pretty cool. I don't really have much to say about it. (turns to Percy) Percy, what really beautiful talented girl that lives on an enchanted island, hmm?

Percy- Annabeth, may I borrow that rusty knife?

Annabeth- sure (hands knife to Percy.)

Percy- Amy, what's the return address on that letter.

Amy- Umm… ( reads return address.)

Percy- I'll be right back. (Runs off of stage and out back door.)  
Amy- This should be interesting. Okay, Thalia, your turn!

Thalia- I'm so glad that I have a fan. I knew it was the right choice to sacrifice myself for them! Being a huntress is great. It's like girl scouts with a goddess! But Luke… I could care less, really!

Amy- Uh huh, sure. Okay, Grover, your turn!

Grover- Well, it's true. I had always dreamed of finding Pan, and my dad and Uncle Ferdinand lost their lives searching for him, and then he died, as if my father's life, my uncles, and a good portion of mine was gone for nothing.

Amy- (puts on a doctor phil mask.) And how does that make you feel?

Grover- Like… like… like my daddy's gone for nothing.

Audience- starts weeping uncontrollably.

Amy- (turns to audience. Dramatic Music plays.) A boy left without a father. A god lost that so many lives had been lost for? Does this sound like a god caring for his people to you? This is Doctor Amy, asking: Why? Why did so many people have to die for nothing?

Annabeth- (starts crying and hugs Percy without noticing, who is also crying.)

Amy- (takes out camera phone and takes a picture.) Percabeth moment!  I can use this for later black mail.

Luke- I'm quite happy that all of these people died. Especially the god, that was good.

Amy- Okay Mr. Heartless, how about you answer your question.

Luke- (pales) Oh, well, umm… I joined the Titans because… I uh…

Amy- You know, if you don't tell us, we'll tell Percy no to kill her, but bring her in here. She will kiss you.

Luke- Wll, umm, thank you for loving me and all, and… I joined the Titans because… BECAUSE I THOUGHT THALIA WOULD WANT ME TO, OKAY?

Everyone except Luke- …

Thalia-(Throws up.)

Amy- (sigh) I'm not cleaning that up either.

Percy- (runs into room.) Her doors were locked.

Amy- That's nice.

Percy- What'd I miss?

Nico- Luke and Thalia sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Luke with a baby carriage.

Amy- (High fives Nico.)

Percy- Wow… awkward. (starts to walk towards his seat.)

Annabeth- Percy! Watch out for the—

Percy- (slips and falls face first in puke.)

Annabeth- Nevermind.

Percy- (gets up) please tell me you had an oatmeal fight.

Amy- Okay, we had an oatmeal fight.

Percy- Really?

Nico- Nope, Thalia lost her lunch.

Percy- Oh, I just got this shirt!

Amy- Thank you for that useless information! Now, we have two more letters to take care of!

Everyone except Amy- (repeats process that took place earlier.)

Amy- Percy, you needed that brain!

Annabeth- It was dead, anyway.

Amy- Okay, on with the letter!

Percy- Oh, this will be fun.

Hey sis. and (unfourtunatly) bro.! Me has questions and comments!

Amy-Do you know me?  
Luke- I hate to brake it to you bro, but nobody likes you! Not even Thalia (or so we think). Ya know if you stop working for Kronos you might accutally get dates.  
Thalia-If you weren't a huntress would you date Luke?  
Percy- Hi! Hi! I LOVE YOU!  
Annabeth-Your awsome! You are my favorite character!

Thanks for your time!  
Lucinda

Amy- Cool! I got fan mail!

Annabeth- Okay, answer your question.

Amy- Yes, of course I do. We're half-sisters!

Grover- That was anticlimactic.

Everyone but Grover- Say what?

Amy- Don't use big words, Grover, it makes the less smart people feel bad. (Looks at Luke.)

Luke- I am insulted.

Amy- Look who's learning big words! Why don't you show them off while answering your question.

Luke- Everyone likes me, and I could get a date with my eyes closed.

Amy- have you ever kissed a girl?

Luke- Well… no.

Percy- Ha! You're like twenty-two years old and you've never kissed a girl?

Luke- Whoa, wait. I can kiss a girl and I know that everyone wants to kiss me. Watch. (Turns and kisses nearest girl. Opens eyes to find out it's Annabeth.)

Annabeth- (pulls away) AH! I've been kissed by Luke! I have Luke germs! Get some hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!

Amy- Have you been watching the peanuts?

Annabeth- (Runs in circles screaming.)

Percy- Luke, I am going to kill you! (starts chasing Luke with Riptide.)

Luke- AHHHHH! MOMMY! (runs off stage.)

Amy- (Grabs Percy as he runs by) you can kill Luke for kissing your girlfriend later. Sit, you haven't answered your question yet.

Percy- (sits down reluctantly.)

Amy- Alright, Thalia. Your turn.

Thalia- NO! NEXT QUESTION (is red in the face again.)

Amy- Hmm, Okay. Percy?

Percy- Umm, hi? Thanks for… loving me.

Annabeth- (Gets really really red in the face.) Amy, what's the return address?

Amy- Sorry, can't tell you. She's my half-sister.

Annabeth- (is about to strangle Amy)

Amy- Wait! Answer your question first!

Annabeth- Okay. Thanks, I'm glad that I'm awesome, but… about this Percy situation… let's settle out differences in a dark alley where there are no witnesses, okay?

Amy- Hmm, okay. With that being said, the last letter is from PJOluver.

Grover- Oh, joy.

Dear Stars,  
I would just like to say that Annabeth is my second favorite star! I'm sorry to say but strangely, Percy is my favorite one. Thalia you are my favorite hunter, and if you weren't a hunter i would definately say that you and Luke would be a super cute couple! Personally I think Percabeth is MENT to be together! Grover is my all time favorite satyr! He's awsome! Hey Amy i hope you thank me for preventing Annabeth from kill you, with my letter! Amy dont you just want Percy and Annabeth to go out with eachother? Well basically everyone wnats then together! they're the most popular couple with the PJO characters! Okay Amy I was just wondering if you could use a lie detector test when the "stars" answer my questions? if so then here are the questions... Percy do you want to ask annabeth out? Annabeth, who would you choose the lieing evil kronous servent luke... or Percy who was there for you during lukes betryal, who took you on your first quest and who saved your butt wayy too many times to count? Thalia, why did you become a hunter other than the fact that your b-day was thought to be the ending of the olympians or the titans? Luke, why don't you just go and die, i mean your such a fricking ugly evil dude who should just be killed and sent down to kronous! Grover, you are awsome but tell us all what you think when it comes to Percabeth and Thaluke? oh yeah hope you and Juniper are doing well!  
From,  
PJOluver (A.K.A. JaNz)

Everyone: Wow.

Annabeth- That was a long letter.

Amy- and it was the only one in letter form.

Thalia- Fair enough.

Percy- Yes! I have more fans!

Thalia- (is really red) We WOULD NOT MAKE A CUTE COUPLE!!

Luke- CoughyesweCoughwouldCough

Percy and Annabeth- Percabeth?

Amy- Aww, as most people will say right now: Signs of Love, by Shorty and KG inc.

Audience- Aww.

Percy- NO!

Annabeth- AH!

Luke- Haha, you got owned.

Grover- Cool! Somebody remembered me!

Amy- And, thank you, for helping to save my life, oh and Percy and Annabeth, she's right, everyone does want you two together.

Nico- Haha! I get to sit back and laugh at this one.

Amy- Nico, will you please bring in the wheelie table behind the curtain?

Nico- (has a confused look) Uhh, sure. (leaves and then comes back with wheelie table with a machine on it.)

Amy- This is my lie detector.

Everyone except Amy- Gasp!

Amy- Okay, Percy, you're up.

Percy- There is no way you can get the thing on my head.

Amy- Okay (holds up copy of Battle of the Labyrinth.) I think I'll just read about your little vacation. Annabeth, you ready for a story on how Percy went on and island holiday?

Percy- (puts lie detector helmet on his head.) There, happy?

Amy- Tell us, Percy do you want to go out with Annabeth?

Percy- Well… umm… only if she wants to go out with me.

(computer screen flashes "true")

Amy- Okay, Annabeth. Your turn.

Annabeth- (walks to machine sheepishly)

Amy- Alright. Who do you love more, Percy or Luke?

Annabeth- I love them both like brothers.

(computer screen flashed "false" and Annabeth gets an electric shock)

Amy- Oh, did I forget to tell you that you get a painful shock when you lie?

Annabeth- You might have forgot to mention it.

Amy- Well, tell the truth.

Annabeth- Percy, but I only choose him for his idiocy.

(computer screen flashes "true")

Annabeth- (takes off helmet)

Amy- Well, Thalia, we don't need to use the lie detector on you because you've got nothing to hide.

Thalia- Right. I became a hunter because I just wanted to get away from the idiotic boys of today, like Luke, who broke my heart, almost killed me, and tried to tear my to pieces and throw every piece into a fire. **(A/N: The first one who can name that song will get free invisible cake. ****J**** It's so delicious and moist.) **And Percy, who spells worse than a donkey.

Percy- Oh, come on, people!

Amy- You gotta face the facts some time!

Percy- Okay, moving on.

Amy- Luke, we don't need to use the detector on you because you're too stupid to lie.

Luke- Okay, the answer is: I will not, because I already have.

Everyone except Luke- …

Amy- Okay, and finally, Grover.

Grover- Well, when it comes to Percabeth, I sometimes feel like a third wheel, it can be awkward at times, but I always am like a counselor, keeping these two from ripping each others throats out.

Amy- Alright, and that's all the time we have, so join us next time with:

Everyone- **Fan Mail With the Stars**

Nico- Send me letters!

Amy- Yes, don't forget about our guest star! And we'll be having another guest star next episode! See Ya!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Oh my gods, that took forever to write. I hope you like it, please send fan mail or else I will become a dead soul due to Annabeth and her trusty rusty knife! Okay, thanks, and tell me who you want the next special guest to be!**


	3. Celebrate Good Times Come On!

Percy- (in British accent) Hello, viewers. Welcome to **Fan Mail With the Stars**!

Every except Percy- (gives Percy an odd look.)

Amy- Why are you speaking with a British accent?

Percy- (still with accent) I'm trying to convince people that I'm David Tennant to get more girls.

Annabeth- Who's that?

Percy- The Doctor.

Grover- Doctor Who?

Percy- Exactly!

Luke- It's official, he's gone crazier than me.

Everyone except Luke- HAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one Luke!

Luke- (sits back in his chair hiding his face.)

Amy- Okay, let's get rolling with our first Fan Mail. Please, everybody keep their brains in their heads. (shoots a look at Luke and Percy who recently had to get brain replacement.)

Percy- (without accent) What? I didn't need it… that much.

Amy- Well, hopefully they fixed whatever problem it had at the hospital. To the letter, from Cheri di Poisson Impressionnan!

Dear PJO Cast,

Percy, I think you're awesome. I have about eight or so detentions right now and I'm about to be on the Restriction list . I'm glad we can relate. My question is : Does Rachel ever help you with your homework? I'm dying because I have no friends to help.  
Annabeth, hello :D I have to ask this because I must find out.. How do you deal with Math? I hate math, it can go to the deep pit of ephemeral darkness for all I care. My numbers always mix up. I have 6 and 9, 3 and M, W and M, 4 and h, 1 and I, 8 and s, 0 and O, and 7 and L mixed up. How can you manage it so effectively?  
GROVER! -tackle hugs- We're both vegetarians. I would be a vegan, but my mother is like "ARGHH. YOU NEED TO EAT." But anyway, how does thou handle all of the searching while keeping your relationships intact?  
Hey Thalia! I love your musical interests. CAKE! I think you're more of a Led Zeppelin fan, huh? Do you like the White Stripes or Black Sabbath? If so, what are your favourite songs by them? What are your views on Camp Rock? I thought it was an abomination of music. Whoa. You have the most questions xD  
Luke, I think I can get your viewpoint. Humans do nothing but pollute the Earth and be very lazy. I personally think your mind is being taken over by Black Magic, but that's a whole other story. My question is - do you like Miley Cyrus or Joan Jett better. I like Joan Jett, she's my idol right next to Grace Slick. Not going to comment the other girl though. All I can say is that her version of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' seemed like she had too much.

too Nico D:  
Okay, first of all - you pwn every other half blood. No one can say any different either, or then Chuck Norris will go after them.  
What have you learned about your life so far? Do you have any crushes? Do you like girls that are older? Did you see the VMA's and wonder what the heck we listen too?  
I wonder - would you ever get a lip ring. I picture you with a lip ring. When you look at the styles of today, do you ever wish that they were more different? Where did you get the ring on your finger? I love it. I want one like it.  
To end this, I have to say that you're awesome and I'm sorry that I have the gayest computer known to man. e she had too much.

Sincerely, Chéri de Poisson Impressionnan.  
You're special, you get the é :D

Percy- AWESOME! You're probably a demigod. Contact your school satyr sometime before Kronos attacks, we need all the help we can get!

Annabeth- Percy! Quit advertising for camp!

Percy- Well, to answer my question, yes, she is excellent at the stuff. She can finish it probably faster the Annab-

Annabeth- (shoot Percy a death glare)

Percy- Did I say Anna? I meant Hannah. Hannah Montana. Haha, yeah… that's it.

Amy- You're right! Hannah Montana doesn't know the difference between an X and a multiplication sign.

Luke- There's a difference?

Nico- No, Luke, just keep on doing whatever math you were doing before.

Luke- Okay, good.

Annabeth- Okay, my question time. Math does not suck! It's the key to becoming an architecture! Without Math, my buildings would fall apart!

Amy- Annabeth, this isn't Bill Nye the Science Guy, we don't need a lesson on school related subjects.

Percy- I second that!

Annabeth- Well, to make a long story short, I manage by chaining myself to a chair and forcing myself to study. It's a painful process but it makes mom happy.

Amy- Okay, Grover, your turn.

Grover- YAY! A vegetarian! You are an awesome person, let's do lunch some time. It's easy to keep relationships now that I've found Pan, but when I was looking for him, I was able to use Iris Messaging. Drachmas are easy to get if you know where to find them, I just rob Medusa's shop every now and then. About your mom yelling at you, never mind that. WE MUST SAVE THE ANIMALS FROM CRUELTY!

Amy- Very true, goat boy. Okay, on to Thalia!

Thalia- Well, I'm glad that SOMEBODY is a Cake fan, I was getting worried about that. Led Zepplin, he and I go way back. In fact, I helped him write Achilles Last Stand. Those were the days. White Stripes isn't really my favorite, I don't know why. Must be Artemis influencing me. Darn!

Amy- Artemis doesn't approve of the White Stripes?

Thalia- Well… she really isn't all that into that kind of stuff. She's too goody-two-shoes.

Amy- That's tragic.

Thalia- I know. Also, as for camp rock… how do I put this nicely? (throws up again.)

Amy- Percy, will you please clean that up?

Percy- Eew! What do I look like, a maid?

Amy- As a punishment to Percy for not cleaning my stage, I'm going to bring on the special guest early!

Percy- NOOOOOOOOOOO!! (gets mop and mops up puke.)

Amy- Thank you. I will postpone the special guest for ten minutes.

Percy- Who is it today? Ares? Aphrodite? Clarrisse?

Amy- Those are all splendid suggestions! I'll be sure to use them in later shows.

Luke- Can I answer my question now?

Amy- If you have the brain capacity to, than yes, please do so.

Luke- I like Miley, she joined the titan Army. Did you know she was an Empousa?

Amy- Really?

Luke- Yeah! And, as you mentioned for girls night out, that's really a brain washing song for young Half-bloods. Mortals hear it as "Girls just wanna have fun" but young half-bloods who don't know about their parentage yet will hear it as "The Olympians are evil, Kronos has cookies"

Grover- That is sick and twisted, turning innocent children into your fighters.

Nico- (stands up) I know! I love it!

Amy- Okay, Nico, while you're up, why don't you answer your question.

Nico- Okay. I am glad I pwn everybody and that Chuck Norris is on my side. Did you know that he's a son of Ares?

Thalia- Really? I don't know why I'm surprised.

Nico- Yep. He can also defeat monsters with his death glare. One look and they explode into dust.

Luke- Cool! I wanna learn how to do that!

Nico- Anyway, I am still a free man. I just haven't come across the right girl yet. I don't know, it's just like Aphrodite has it in for me.

Amy- That's sad. What about your fan girls?

Nico- Well all they do is sit in the audience and scream they love me. My real girl would jump onto the stage at the risk of their own life.

Grover- Truly spoken words, man.

Amy- Okay, and how about those music awards and nose ring?

Nico- Oh, yes. WHAT THE ZEUS DO YOU MORTALS LISTEN TO? MY EARS WERE HURTING AFTER THAT! AND A NOSE RING? I'M GOTH! NOT BARABRIC!

Thalia- Do NOT use my dads name like that.

Nico- You use my dads name like that all the time.

Thalia- But I have good reason.

Nico- (summons a skeleton) You wanna take this outside sparky?

Thalia- (pulls out electric spear) gladly!

(both exit out the back door.)

Amy- with that being said, let's open the next letter from tigermoonlight:

M'kay, first of all, I'm gonna say how cool I think this is. You guys are all really good characters, and I like all of you (yes, even Luke.) Not love, just like. Most of you are taken anyway, even if you won't admit it to each other.  
Questions are as follows-  
Grover: What's it like to be a satyr? Like, you can eat pretty much anything, right? What does a tin can taste like? (lol random)  
To Everyone: If there was one and only one thing in your life that you could do over, what would it be?  
Thanks!

Grover- AWESOME! I'm the only one who has a question directed specifically towards me.

Everyone except Grover- Say whaaa?

Amy- Once again, big words are a no go.

Grover- Well, fine. I'll just answer my question. A tin can tastes something like steak. When I was young, I did once try steak, so I would know.

Audience- (gasps)

Percy- You ate meat?

Grover- It was peer pressure, I couldn't take it!

Amy- Okay… now, everyone who's not in the back alley killing each other, please answer your question.

Percy- I would throw toilet water in Clarrisse's face again.

Grover- I would find Pan again.

Luke- I would raise Kronos from his coffin again.

Annabeth- (mumbles) I would kiss Percy again.

Audience- (gasp again)

Percy- Really?

Annabeth- Well… I mean… I kind of… you and I are… Well, how do I put this? Back in the Labyrinth, when you were saving us… That was just a really happy moment.

Audience- Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

Amy- (turns on radio so that it's playing some really really sappy love music that you just can't help crying at.)

Percy- (opens mouth but can't speak.)

Annabeth- (stops music.) Okay! Next Fan Mail is from—

Amy- HEY! That's my part, and my part only! Okay, this letter is from XxxBeLLxXxGiRlxxX76:

ok i got questions! ok well first i love thalia and annabeth cuz annabeth is my half sister and thalia is just plain awesome! im a girl and not like that im not gay like luke! oh and luke u suck eggs and you can burn in tarturus and percy i think that your smart and i dont like you like that cuz your more like a friend. ok questions  
Annabeth- i triple encyclopedia dare you to kiss percy ask him to be your boyfriend and tell him you love him more then architecture! hehe im evil

Grover- hows yours and juniphers relationship?

Percy- hi uh well can you tell me, if annabeth agreed with you what names would you call your kids?

Thalia- again your awwsome how are the hunters? oh and i think that your too smart to be with luke cuz hes a egg sucker oh and do you fight with artemis?

Luke- can i please burn you cast you to tarturus pull you out put your ashes into a box jump on the box grind the ashes and cast you into the wind? (Cougheggsuckercough)

sorry for the long questions and i hate you luke and PARAMORE ROCKS! i love the song misery business and crushcrushcrush do you like thoese songs anyone again hehe sorry!

Amy- Okay, before we answer those questions, we're going to bring out the special guest of the day!

Percy- NO!

Amy- Percy, why don't you go get Thalia and Nico. We won't do anything until you come back.

Percy- (nods eagerly and runs out back door.)

Amy- Okay, lets have a surprise waiting for him when he gets back.

Annabeth- Who is it?

Amy- She's the red head that we all know and love. She's sassy, good at art, and has the amazing ability to see through the mist! Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE!!

Audience- (cheers)

Rachel- (Walks on stage)

Rachel's fanguy club- WE LOVE YOU RACHEL!

Amy- … Wow.

Percy- (comes back in with a black eye and a battered up looking Nico and Thalia.) AH! RACHEL!

Rachel- Hey, Percy. Ya miss me?

Percy- I just saw you two hours ago when school ended.

Rachel- And what a long two hours it has been. (sits down next to Annabeth.) Hey, girl. You've gotten taller.

Annabeth- ( has a red look in the face.)

Rachel- (turns to Luke) Hey! It's you! Remember me?

Luke- You're the one who almost blinded me with a hair brush. Yes, I remember you.

Amy- Okay, now let's answer some questions! Annabeth, you have been triple encyclopedia dared. If you decline, you shall die.

Annabeth- I don't believe in silly stuff like that. I decli—

(Annabeth's knife suddenly becomes possessed and hurls itself at her neck.)

Annabeth- OH MY ZEUS! (jumps out of the way just in time.)

Amy- You can't decline the dare.

Annabeth- Can I find a loophole?

Amy- Be my guest. But you still gotta kiss him.

Audience- (starts chattering excitedly.)

Knife- ( hovers again and looks like it might charge at Annabeth.)

Annabeth- … it's just too awkward!

Kinfe- (goes in for the kill.)

Percy- (leans over and kisses Annabeth)

(Silent shock for three minutes.)

Audience- (begins to smash their brains out from excitement.)

Amy- That was beautiful! And I caught it on camera!

Annabeth-( all she can do is whisper) Why did you kiss me, seaweed brain?

Percy- Because, I didn't want you to die.

Annabeth- (starts to cry, dramatic music plays) I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ARCHITECTURE!

Amy- There's still one more thing you need to do.

Annabeth- (looks into Percy's eyes) will you go out with me?

Percy- SCORE!

Audience- (does the wave.)

(music begins to blast, "CELEBRATE GOOD TIME, COME ON!" balloons fall from the ceiling.)

Amy- What a happy day!

Annabeth- (blushes) Can we just move on with the questions?

Amy- Yes, yes we can! Grover?

Grover- (sighs) I'm sorry to say… that me and Juniper broke up.

(music scratches to a stop. Balloons all pop.)

Everyone but Grover- Gasp!

Amy- (if you look really closely, you can see she is blushing.)

Rachel- Who's Juniper?

Everyone but Rachel- (ignores question)

Annabeth- How come you never told us?

Percy- Dude! So that was why you were crying for a week straight!

Grover- Well, we just kind of went our separate ways.

Thalia- That's never really what happens, that's just what people say when they don't want to explain. Tell us what really happened.

Grover- (mumbles) she was cheating on me.

Everyone but Grover- GASP!!

Percy- Who else was she going out with?

Grover- This other… bigger… stronger… more handsome satyr.

Rachel- Dude! You don't just walk away when you find out! You challenge the dude, even though he is clearly going to win, and when you're lying on the ground bleeding to death, she falls in love with you again. That's the kind of guy a girl wants!

Grover- But I don't want to bleed to death, I just want a girl!

Annabeth- That is terrible, Grover. Really, really terrible.

Percy- And you know what the scary thing is?

Annabeth- Hmm?

Percy- Amy hasn't talked for five consecutive minutes.

Audience- Gasp!

Everyone- (turns to Amy)

Amy- (Is still blushing, but manages to stop when everyone looks) Okay… next question. Percy?

Percy- (looks concerned but decides he doesn't care.) Neptune.

Annabeth- AH! What? We are not naming our kid after your dad. (realizes what she just said and blushes.)

Percy- (blushes) Alright, how about Bethany Jackson?

Annabeth- Now there's a name I like.

Amy- Okay, Thalia, your turn.

Thalia- Well, the hunters are doing good. (becomes red) THE NEXT PERSON WHO EVEN THINKS ABOUT ME AND LUKE TOGETHER ARE GOING TO FEEL THE WRATH OF ZEUS AND HIS DAUGHTER!

Amy- Mm, lovely. Now, tell us… do you fight with Artemis?

Thalia- Oh, all the time. We got into a HUGE argument over who was a better actress. I said Hilary Duff.

Amy- And what did Artemis say?

Thalia- Some actor that I don't know. Billie Pipkin, or something.

Percy- (stands up fast) Do you mean Billie Piper?

Thalia- Yeah, that's the one.

Rachel- Oh, I love  her!

Percy- Me too!

Rachel- Remember when she got sucked into an alternate universe with the cybermen?

Percy- Yeah. Real emotional moment there.

 Amy- People! What the Hades are you talking about?

Nico- Ahem!

Amy- You having throat problems, Nico?

Random Audience Member- HAHA!

Nico- (gives death glare to audience member)

Random Audience member- (dies)

Amy- Okay, Luke? Your question.

Luke- NO! YOU CANNOT! Why does everyone hate me so much?

Amy- Hmm. Good question.

Annabeth- Anymore mail?

Amy- Yes, you actually have quit a lot of mail, but that's all the time we have, folks.

Audience- Aww!

Amy- Before we go, though, we're going to have to say goodbye to last time special guest, Nico di Angelo!

Nico- It was fun being on here, I'd be glad to come back on anytime!

Amy- I have a feeling we will be seeing you again, but until then: Bye!

Nico- (disappears in a swirl of fire)

Amy- Classy way to travel.

Annabeth- I wonder if Geico has insurance for that.

Amy- Anyway… Join us next time on—

Everyone- **Fan Mail With the Stars!**

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**YAY! Yet another episode done. If you want to vote who the next Special guest is, go to my poll in my profile! I have a list of possible people! Don't forget to send your letters to the Stars!! **


	4. Chinchilla Attack?

Percy- Hello

Annabeth- Everyone

Rachel- And

Thalia- Welcome

Luke- to

Amy- **Fan Mail With the Stars!**

Audience- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Strange Audience Member in Black Cloak- (claps slowly)

Amy- Okay, we have plenty of… er, interesting mail today. Let's start out with something to thrill us all, SOME HATEMAIL!

Audience- YA-- Wait what?

Amy- That's right, someone doesn't like this show and would like to express that to us.

Luke- What's the big deal, I get hatemail all the time.

Percy- Who sends you hatemail?

Luke- Oh, you know, the half-bloods who have no life.

Annabeth- Hmm, that's harsh.

Rachel- I sent him hatemail before.

Amy- Well, let's open the letter! This one is from "Sticky".

Please, do us a favor and stop writing. The questions are the usual Go die, Luke...Or why won't percy admit to Annabeth he loves her. It's so generic and cliche I can't stand it. I guarantee that some random fight about peanut butter will happen, Percy will fight with Luke, etc. Also, this is against the rules, So I reported it for being a script fic. Good Day, you horrid disgrace of a writer.

-Sticky

Rachel- What a jerk!

Grover- What does he mean by 'horrible disgrace of a writer'? This is a TV show, it has nothing to do with writing.

Percy- and what does he mean by "fic".

Amy- I'll tell you all when you're older.

Annabeth- (raises an eyebrow) Well, there were no questions to that, so let's just randomly respond.

Luke- Hey, I actually know Sticky. He's 40-years-old and lives in his mother's basement.

Annabeth- How queer.

Luke- Speaking of queer…

Amy- THIS IS A G RATED TELEVISION SHOW!

Luke and Annabeth- (At the same time) Sorry Amy.

Percy- Okay, now that we got that out of our systems, onto the next letter. This one is from Sistergrimm2:

Dear Percabeth, Rachel, Nico, Thalia, Grover and Amy and (le sigh) Luke:  
Percabeth: If you had two daughters, would you name one of them Zoe after your fallen comrade who's now a constellation? Also it means life in Greek and sounds really cool. And her middle name could be Phaedra, meaning bright. The fact that I have baby names picked out for two fifteen-year-olds is kinda sad, true, but it's still a really cool name! And you could hyphenate!  
Thalia: I think I'm a demigod, but can mortals who see through the Mist still join the Hunt? I'm HUGE on the disgust of teenage boys, and I LOVE Artemis and think slaying monsters would be AWESOME. Plus you're the coolest!  
Amy: Dr. Who is a British sci-fi TV show. Billie Piper RULES! And I think you're doing a great job hosting.  
Nico: If joining the Hunt doesn't work out, will you marry me?  
Grover: You're awesome, don't worry about Juniper, Groverfan#1 will happily throw herself on the stage for you. What is the grossest thing you've ever eaten?  
Rachel: You should be a regular guest! And hitting Kronos with a blue plastic hairbrush was totally BA! high five And do you like-like Percy? YOU MUST ANSWER or the army of evil monkeys that live on Ogygia and are my great friends shall be unleashed!  
MUCH AWESOMENESS and PEACE OUT,  
Sister Grimm Erin.

Amy- Alright, before we move onto this, I have a little story to tell you all.

Annabeth- Oh no.

Amy- Last night, my mansion was attacked by several screaming fangirls and a chinchilla.

Rachel- You were attacked by a chinchilla?

Amy- Yes, In fact I was.

Luke- Umm, okay.

Amy- In my morning mail I got several angry death threats and a strong worded letter in chincillian.

Grover- Chinchillian?

Amy- Yeah, the language of the chinchillas.

Grover- I thought it was chinchillese.

Amy- Well you thought wrong. Anyway, due to fear of me losing my life, I will now add a new permanent character to the show.

Annabeth- Ashton Kutcher?

Thalia- Orlando Bloom?

Rachel- David Tennant?

Amy- NO! NO! And no! Say hello, again, to the breaker of hearts, the riser of dead, NICO DI ANGELO!

Strange Audience Member in Black Cloak- (takes off cloak to show it's Nico).

Nico- Hello, I'm glad to be back.

Percy- Dude, you were just here on the last show.

Nico- Yeah, so?

Percy- …

Amy- Okay! On with the questions. Percy and Annabeth?

Percy- I like the name Zoe.

Ananbeth- What! I don't!

Percy- Zoe helped save your life.

Annabeth- Your point is?

Percy-… No comment.

Annabeth- Thalia, save us.

Thalia- Of course you can join the Huntresses, Artemis isn't picky about who she recruits. You just have to be a girl, and not evil.

Amy- Sweet. I'd join, but I've got my eye on someone.

Percy- Who?

Amy- (looks down) … someone.

Thalia- Pfft! Love sucks.

Luke- (sticks out bottom lip as if really disappointed.)

Amy- Moving on! Thanks, I'm glad that you approve of my ATH!

Annabeth- ATH?

Amy- Ability-to-Host! Duh!

Percy- Do you just make this up as you go along?

Amy- Yes. Yes I do.

Grover- …Okay, I'm scared now.

Amy- Anyway… So Billie Piper and that other dude—

Percy and Rachel- (Look offended) DAVID TENNANT!

Amy- Right, yeah. Well, If they're so awesome, I'll see if I can book them for the show. I'm not making any promises, though. I have a long list of people.

Rachel- DO IT!

Amy- I'm sorry I even brought it up. Nico, please answer.

Nico- Don't you think I'm a little young to marry? Let's start out slow.

Fangirls in audience- (Scream in rage so loud that Lukes ears start to bleed.)

Luke- AH! I'm bleeding!

Percy- GET OVER IT, WIMP!

Amy- Okay, next is Grover.

Grover- Groverfan#1? Who's that?

Amy- (turns a little red from anger) Nobody, don't think about it. **(A/N: No offense to you, Groverfan).**

Grover- Umm, okay. The Grossest thing I ever ate was probably Gabe Ugliano's sweat socks.

Everyone- (Turns green)

Percy- Dude! Where did you fing Smelly Gabe's socks?

Grover- Well, I was hungry one day so I went searching through your trash.

Annabeth- Ugh!

Amy- (Holds stomach) Next Question!

Rachel- Yeah, I'd like to be a regular guest! And, I don't Like-like Percy, we're just good friends.

Amy- That's always how it starts out.

Rachel- Whatever.

Amy- Okay, and speaking of Ogygian monkeys, let's bring out our special guest.

Percy- Oh no! Don't tell me that you—

Amy- Let's give a warm welcome to—

Percy- I gotta get out of her!

Annabeth- Percy, who is it? I'm sure it's nobody that bad.

Amy- Calypso!

Annabeth- (turns to Percy with a twisted look of anger) What!

Percy- Umm…do you like my new shoes?

Calypso- (walks onto stage with bags of sand tied to her feet) PERCY!

Percy- (eyes dart from Annabeth to Calypso)

Calypso- (Runs up and hugs Percy)

Rachel- This will be fun.

Annabeth- Excuse me, but he's taken.

Calypso- Oh! You must be Annabeth. Don't worry, we're old friends.

Annabeth- DON'T WORRY! I HAVE PLENTY TO WORRY ABOUT!

Percy-… So awkward.

Calypso- Oh, Percy! I am so Happy to see you. (Kisses him)

Annabeth- (Pulls out knife and let's out and Indian whoop.)

Everyone Except Annabeth and Calypso- (Ducks and Covers)

Amy- G RATED TELEVISION SHOW!

Annabeth- ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Calypso- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Amy- (Vulcan neck pinched Annabeth) That's enough!

Percy- Annabeth!

Grover- That was…

Rachel- AWESOME! Let's do it again!

Amy- I'd like to, but we have one more letter to open! This one is from Percabethrulez:

YEAH! you updated!

ok, i don't want to sound all sissy, so i will do this in a very mature way.

sinks to the ground and cups hands

Please add my questions! PLEASE! I"LL DO ANYTHING! JUST PLEASE!

gets up and wipes imaginary dust of knees  
well, now that's over with...

why did nico leave? he was totally cool!  
Why did racheal come? she is totally not!  
Can't luke be gone already? and if he can, can i do the honors?  
turns to luke. cue dramatic music  
in british accent: You sir, are BANISHED! points finger dramatically.

Plz update soon!  
-Percabethrulez

p.s. the qestions i put on the review? those arent really me questions. i was just wondering...

Amy- Okay, Rachel, you have permission to get mad.

Rachel- I'm not mad.

Amy- Umm, okay. Nico, how do you respond to being called cool?

Nico- Oh, I get that all the time. You know that I love my fans. (Blows a kiss towards camera)

Fangirls- (Scream)

Amy- Alright! Last, and DEFINITELY least, Luke.

Luke- Hah! Whatever! Forget you, I've got plenty of Fangirls. Right? (Turns to audience)

Cricket- Chirp, Chirp, Chirp, Chirp.

Grover- Luke, that cricket is saying some very nasty things about you right now.

Calypso- Hmm, why doesn't anybody like him? He seems like a very nice young man.

Amy- Calypso, You've got a lot of catching up to do.

Calypso- Oh, I'm sure_ Percy _will explain everything to me. Right, Percy? (Bats eyelashes)

Percy- Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Amy- Well, that wraps up this show!

Calypso- Was it something I said.

Nico- No it was something you said and did.

Calypso- Oh.

Thalia- You were saying, Amy?

Amy- So join us next time on—

Everyone- **Fan Mail With the Stars!**

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**I am SO sorry that I did not update sooner. I kind of dropped my laptop, which meant no computer access for a long time until my best friend, Candy, let me use her computer. Special shout out of thanks to Candy! Anyway, don't forget to vote for the next special guest on my profile poll! Thanks!**


	5. The Talk

Amy- Hola, everyone, and welcome back to…

Everyone- **Fan Mail With The Stars!**

Nico- Where everyone's dreams come true!

Percy- Umm, no. That's Disney World.

Thalia- Really? I thought it was Disney Land.

Luke- You're both wrong! It's Kronos's palace!

Annabeth- (wakes up) Ugh… what happened.

Percy- Annabeth! Holy Poseidon, I'm so glad you finally woke up!

Annabeth- (Grabs Percy's hand) Oh, Percy! I had this terrible dream that there was this slu-

Amy- (Covers Annabeth's mouth) Uh Uh Uh, Annabeth. May I reming you… G RATED!!

Annabeth- Umm, okay. There was this girl that came onto the set and she said that she loved you.

Calypso- (shifts in chair uncomfortably)

Annabeth- That was a silly dream, right?

Amy- Well, it can be if you don't look behind you.

Annabeth- (looks behind her and sees Calypso) YOU!

Calypso- (looks panicked) Me?

Annabeth- Yes, you! You tried to steal my man. I hate you more than Rachel!

Everyone- (Looks around for Rachel) Oh yeah! She went home. Her Guest star appearance was over. Did I forget to announce that?

Grover- Ya think?

Amy- Umm, okay, back to Annabeth's Rage.

Annabeth- (clears throat then lets out war cry)

Amy- Everyone duck and cover!

(Everyone except Calypso and Annabeth run off stage.

Amy- (Draws Curtain)

(Various noises come from behind curtain, such as screaming, punches, car horns, dogs barking, glass breaking, and the sound an elephant makes.)

Amy- (Opens Curtains) Oh wow.

Calypso- (Is tied to a pole and is hanging over a fire)

Annabeth- (Is about to pour gasoline into the fire)

Amy- Annabeth! I'm signing you up for anger management classes!

Percy- (Takes bucket of gasoline away from Annabeth)

Annabeth- (Sits down in her chair and crosses her arms)

Amy- Well, after that interesting experience, let's open some fan mail! This one is from… PersonWhoNeedsToGetAnAccount's OC, Katia Hebshasea. (takes a breath)

Luke- Okay, let's hear it.

Hi! My OC wants to ask some questions. Here she goes-

Percy: I'm your sister! MUAHAHAHAHA! Have you met me yet? (I think you have)  
Calypso: GRR! Do you like-like my brother or do you like-like him?  
Thalia: YAY! You awesome! Do you hate any of the other hunters?  
Nico: Are you still mad at Percy? Just a little bit?  
Luke: The Dark side's not the only one with cookies. Why don't you go to the emo side instead?  
Grover: You awesome. You can always try to get Juniper back. (Please do so)  
Amy: I blame you for the Grover/Juiper break up. If not, why were you blushing? HA!

Katia Henshasea

Percy- OMG! I have a sister!

Amy- No, really?

Percy- Well, I don't know if I've met you yet… no wait! You were that girl at the supermarket shoveing ice in your mouth and then when you saw me you screamed, hugged me, and ran away.

Annabeth- (twitches) There was a girl that hugged you?

Percy- Annabeth, chill. It's okay.

Amy- Umm, anyway. Calypso?

Calypso- (Looks nervous because hair started to catch fire) Umm, well yes I—

Annabeth- (twitches, then fingers her knife)

Calypso- I mean NO! Of course not! (crosses fingers) where did you get a silly idea like that?

Annabeth- (licks her lips)

Calypso-(Trembles)

Amy- Hmm, that was slightly disturbing. Thalia? Your turn!

Thalia- Well, Phoebe gets on my nerves a lot, but she is the best tracker and does have good ideas.

Amy- That's it?

Thalia- I guess, I'm pretty cool with everyone else… Oh! Except Holly, she's a seven year old and is ALWAYS asking to stop for something. It's either "I gotta go potty" or "I'm hungry" or "I wanna pet rabid squirrel". Gods, she is annoying.

Amy-Aww, poor you. Okay, next up is Nico. Are you still mad at Percy?

Nico- (Gives Percy a half death glare) Well, he did steal my fried chicken I was having yesterday.

Percy- WHAT! I was hungry!

Nico- Then you should've gotten your greasy and fattening poultry!

Percy- …

Amy- Alright then! Luke, your turn!

Luke- Well, I didn't join the emo side for many reasons. 1), I tried cutting my wrists, but I couldn't get my sword in the right position. B) Nico is on the emo side, which makes it all the less inviting to me. And Quattro, They burn the cookies they make to make them black. NO THANK YOU!

Nico- Those cookies are surprisingly delicious and addicting.

Everyone- (Backs away from Nico)

Amy- Umm… okay. Grover?

Grover- Well, I did try to win her back, but her new boyfriend gave me a fur wedgie. He actually hung my fur from a flagpole, with it still being attached to my body. PAINFUL!

Amy- (winces) Thank you, for that lovely image in my head.

Ananbeth- Amy, what about your question.

Amy- (blushes again) I was not blushing, and I am not responsible for Gruniper breaking up. I wish I was, but these things just work out that way.

Percy- You wish you were? What's that supposed to mean?

Amy- (Blushes even more and grabs Percy's ankle)

Percy- (falls on his back when Amy lifts up his ankle)

Amy- Hey, have you people seen Percy's new shoes? Aren't the heelies awesome?

Nico- What are you doing?

Amy- I'm procrastinating.

Luke- Procrastinators of the world: Unite! … Tomorrow!

Percy- (Stands back up)I think Amy's hiding something.

Amy- I think your face is hiding something.

Annabeth- …Amy, never say that again.

Amy- Okay, this next letter is from Percabeth and Thuke ROX!!

Luke- You can't just change the subject like that!

Amy- Watch me!

This show ROX! I luv it!!

Percabeth- How do you guys like the Kaitlyn, Piper,or Layne?

Percy-You rock...and my friend has a crush on you.

Annabeth-You're my fave character!My friends say that if I put my hair up in a pony tail and wear a blue yankeys cap, then I look like you.It's weird, but its true.

Thaila- k...Thaila, dont kill me.No offence or anything, you dont do a good job at hiding your crush on Luke.What would you do if you read You Got Questions We Got Answers? specifly ther last chapter?

Luke-Whats Kronos like?Is it fun working for him?Do you have a little sister that has the SAME parents as you? if you do, then who?(in small voice)And i think that you're cute...

Grover- OMG!I'm so sorry!Wait...I thought that juniper liked(or mabey loved) you!Did you at least ask her why she was cheating on you?!

Nico- YOU RULE!AND IF I WAS THERE, I WOULD JUMP ON TO THE STAGE, CUZ I THINK THE YOU'RE CUTE!Whats it like to have Hades as a dad?What was it like to live in the Underworld?What would you do if your dad was in the audience?

Rachel-I thought that it was funny when you threw your brush at Luke.I was rolling on the groung laughing!Was it fun?I have been pondering- Do you want your brush back?

Calypso-You do know that Percy is taken...right?And that your messing up Percabeth(SQUE!)...(raises eyebrow)RIGHT!?

Amy-You rock...and you need to start tourchuring Percy and all the guys...that would be funny.

Percy- Kaitlyn?

Ananbeth- Piper

Both together- Layne?

Amy- I think their names.

Annabeth- Oh…

Percy- Gods, People. What's wrong with Bethany?

Luke- Apparently everything.

Percy- Go suck an egg, Luke.

Luke- (looks confused but shrugs and sticks an egg in his mouth.)

Percy- Okay, I'm glad that I do rock, thanks.

Annabeth- I don't think you could look that much like me. (Looks at picture sent in with letter) Holy Artemis you do look like me.

Thalia- (Eyes Annabeth Angrily)

Amy- Umm, okay. Moving on. Thalia?

Thalia- Umm, okay. I don't even want to know about what people are writing about me and Luke. But there is NO WAY that me and Luke will ever be. (Is red, once again)

Amy- Mmhmm, how believable. Luke, your turn.

Luke- Kronos is a great man. I'd like to take this time to tell all of you half-bloods out there that Kronos has been stereotyped by Rick Riordan, and that he loves kids. It's great to work for him.

Annabeth- I thought he took over your body?

Luke- No, he took over a copy of my body. Oh, and I have no sister with the same parents. I used to, but... let's just say I had a little sword "accident" one night while she slept in her crib.

Amy- Luke, that's horrible!

Luke- I know. I have gone through alot of labor to achieve that title.

Amy- How lovely. Now, before we answer this next question, it's time for a special guest. She is a member of Fan Fiction, and is one of the many viewers that will be on theis show. Give it up for that talented writer and director of DEMIGODS GOT TALENT, and others, such as Fighting For Our Lives and Why Mommy?, Rainy!

Rainy- (Walks onstage)

Amy- Rainy, how does it feel to be the first member of Fan Fiction on this show?

Rainy- I am ecstatic, Amy! Thanks for having me!

Percy- Oh great! Another fangirl.

Rainy- Fangirl? I'll have you know that I wouldn't go out with any of you if I were paid to!

Luke- Girl's got attitude! I like that! (gets closer to Rainy)

Rainy- (Slaps Luke)

Nico- I think she's cool and deserves way better than a back stabber like you, Luke.

Rainy- (smiles and sits next to Nico)

Amy- ... Alright, on with the questions! Grover, you have a sympathetic person willing to give you a hug.

Grover- Yeah, I tried to ask her why she was cheating on me, which is how I got this! (Displays marks from fur wedgie)

Everyone but Grover- (averts their eyes)

(One audience member did not avert their eyes and was turned to dust)

Amy- Grover! Stop!

Grover- (stops displaying)

Thalia- (throws up because of that haunting memory)

Amy- Percy, you know what to do.

Percy- (obediently cleans up mess)

Amy-(wipes her eyes) I'm so proud of him.

Percy- (grumbles to himself)

Amy- Alright then, Nico? How about you?

Nico- Well, thanks for the whole offering to jump on stage, but I've recently started going for someone else.

Amy- You have?

Nico- Yeah... And, umm, she's not sitting on this stage right now. Specifically not next to me. (Laughs nervously) Why would you think that?

Rainy- (Looks surprised, taken back, and pleased all at the same time)

Angry Fangirl in audience- (Throws wild boar at Rainy) **(A/N: I don't own that wild boar being thrown, it comes out of Rainy's Story, DGT)**

Amy- Alright! Since Rachel is not here, I will mail this letter to her house after the show, with free shipping and handeling from my dad! So that brings us to Calypso!

Calypso- Well, I really don't believe in the concpt of "taken". I believe that a person should have the sovereignty to choose their own mates.

Thalia- Ugh! No need to tell us about the birds and bees, lady.

Luke- Birds and bees? What's that supposed to mean?

Percy- Haven't you gotten "The Talk"?

Luke- No. What is everyone talking about?

Amy- Well, this should be really fun. Any volunteers to deliver that special "talk" to Luke?

Booming Voice From Above- I will!

Everyone- (Looks up)

Hermes- (Materializes on stage)

Amy- Dad! (Runs up to hug him, but stops half-way) Umm, nice to see you.

Hermes- Hello! Luke, I heard you were in need of a "talk".

Luke- Get away from me, you never cared!

Hermes- Let's just make peace for an hour so I can talk with you. I guess I need to tell you something.

Luke- Well... fine. I guess. (Starts walking off stage with Hermes)

Hermes- You see son, when a man and a woman really like each other... (gets out of hearing range)

Amy- Well, that wraps a really... weird episode. Sorry that I only opened two letters, I'll open more next time... hopefully. Oh and for my question, can't you already tell that I'm torturing them? Well, since it was a special request, I'll do some extra toturing next episode!

Rainy- So, join us next time on...

Everyone- **Fan Mail With The Stars!**

Amy- Good night everyone!

XXX

-One Hour Later-

Luke's voice from outside- OH MY GODS!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**:D! Wow, that was fun. I'm glad someone finally gave Luke the "Talk". Although, bad news for Thalia. That might cause difficulty in her future. Don't forget to send in your letters, and vote on the poll in my profile for next Special Guest! :) YAY! (random)**


	6. Do Platypeople Speak Platypese?

Amy- Hello. Welcome to **Fan Mail With The Stars**!

Rainy- This episode has been brought to you by:

Nico- Kelloggs Frosted Flakes!

Luke- (Looks down at notecard) Earn your stripes.

Percy and Annabeth- (Singing monotone) Frosted Flakes are more than good.

Percy- (sigh) They're Grr-ate.

Amy- Could someone tell me why I'm advertising for cereal on my Show?

Worker Guy- Umm, didn't the cereal people give you money so you could buy that brain thing that you're gonna use on the show today?

Amy- Oh, yeah! Thanks for reminding me, Jeff!

Jeff- Hey, you're the one signing my paycheck.

Grover- What brain thing?

Amy- Who said anything about a brain thing?

Annabeth- Umm, Jeff did.

Amy- What's your point?

Percy- Annabeth, why do you even bother?

Annabeth- (looks ashamed)

Amy- Anyway, with that being said, we should really start opening the letters.

Grover- Why?

Amy- So we can bring on the special guest. We've got a really special one for today.

Percy- NOOOOO! OH, WHY, ZEUS!? WHY DO THIS TO ME?

Grover- Percy, don't let her know it upsets you. Maybe she'll end it early then.

Amy- Keep hanging onto the dream, goatboy.

Grover- Twitches nervously.

Amy- Alright, our first letter is from… Snb793

This was so funny that I was literrally rolling on the floor laughing. LOL Anyway:  
PERCY- Completely random Have you ever been surfing? What would you have done if you stayed at Calypso's island.Would you have even thought about annabeth. Would you try to escape? Oh my gods!Annabeths out side my door. WITH THE RUSTY DAGGER!  
ANNABETH- Please dont kill me. What would you have done if Percy stayed on Calypso's island? Why wont you just admit to Percabeth? Seriously?  
CALYPSO- Whould you have been happy if Percy stayed on your island talking about Annabeth? How did you feel when Percy left. How did you get to Fan mail with the stars if youre stuck on your island.  
LUKE-I hate you. Why don't you die? Go to Tartarus and leave Percy alone?Just out of curiosity: Did Kronos make you immortal?  
AMY- Why didn't you try and stop Annabeth from coming to kill me?Please tell me!She's outside my door with the dagger!  
GROVER- I feel so bad for you with Juniper. You shuld teach that girl some manners.  
THALIA-Why do you blush when ever people talk about you and Luke together? Seriously! Do you like haveing Zeus as your dad? Oh my gods! A storm came out of nowhere. Now Thalia and Annabeth are both at my door. Don't kill me Ahh lightning I'm gonna die.  
NICO- Did you first discover youre powers that night when you almost killed percy? If you had to pick one PJO charachter who do you like most?  
EVERYONE- You guys are all awesome. Well except luke. He makes me puke. Well see ya on the next episode.  
-SNB793  
ps sorry it's so long

Everyone- (looks towards Annabeth and Thalia's empty seats)

Percy- She was asking for it.

Amy- I strapped a camera to Annabeth's head before the show. Let's see what she's doing.

Nico- You strap camera's to people?

Amy- Yes, everyone has a camera strapped to them. And you don't even want to know where yours is, Nico.

Nico- (twitches and then runs to hide behind Rainy.)

Amy- Anyway… to the television!

(Camera zooms into a television)

Annabeth- (bangs on door) LET ME IN!

Thalia- (Breaks down door with spear) Search the house! We'll find her!

Annabeth- (picks up an note on kitchen table and reads it aloud) Dear Annabeth, Thalia, and scary lightning bolt of Zeus, I am so sorry I couldn't make the appointment we made for you killing me, but, sadly, I made arrangements to hide from you in a military base camp. I hope you pardon my absence, but I guess that we'll have to cancel. Yours truly, Snb793.

Lightning bolt- (Zaps the house on fire)

Thalia- Well, we might as well trash the house.

(Both begin running around, knocking over glass vases, breaking expensive sets of China, and drinking all of the soda in the fridge)

Thalia- (On major sugar high) Back to the set!

(Camera zooms out)

Amy- ( looking at watch) 3…2…1

Annabeth- (breaks down door) We're back!

Rainy- No, really?

Amy- Alright, Percy. You may answer your question.

Percy- Yes, I actually have gone surfing. I won the surfing contest, too. Also, I guess I don't know what I would have done if I stayed at Calypso's Island. I definitely would've thought of Annabeth, 24/7. I guess there was no winning that choice, I was either on an island with a pretty girl, but missing Annabeth, or with Annabeth and her constant mood swings.

(Owl comes out of nowhere and attacks Percy)

Amy- Sweet, Violence!

Nico- I thought this was G-rated.

Amy- What's your point?

Percy- Here we go again.

Nico- (Looks the same way Annabeth did)

Amy- Alright then, Annabeth. Give it a shot.

Annabeth- If Percy had stayed on that island, I would've gotten a boat and forced my way onto the island. I bet I could've found a way into it in the Labyrinth. Also, I already did admit to Percabeth.

Amy- Alright, Since Calypso's not here, I will mail her the letter. But to clear up the thing about her on the show, she had bags of sand from the island tied to her feet, so technically she was still on her island.

Percy- Who figured that out?

Amy- Jeff.

Percy-…

Amy- Okay,Luke the puke. Your turn.

Luke- Hey! It's Mr. Luke the Puke, with a capital P.

Amy- Stop talking!

Luke- Then how am I supposed to answer the letter?

Amy- You're not worthy!

Luke- Kronos didn't make me immortal, he just took over something that looked like my body. Funny, don't you think?

Amy- Rainy, would you like to do the honors?

Rainy- (Slaps Luke) No talking!

Luke- (Curls up in a ball)

Amy- Alright! My question! I didn't try to stop Annabeth because I was busy reading her the letter. And you can leave the military base camp now, she's gone.

Annabeth- I'll be back.

Amy- On second thought, move to Mexico and become a Mexican Hat Dancer, you'll be safer. Grover, some more Gruniper sympathy mail.

Grover- I don't want to risk another fur wedgie from her boyfriend, but you can all send her hatemail! Just send a letter addresses to her at Camp Half-Blood!

Grover Fangirls in Audience- (Begin to write letters)

Amy- Alright, Thalia? Oh and by the way. Has anyone noticed that I say "Alright" a lot? I just noticed.

Thalia- Really, you did? Well anyway I don't blush when people talk about Thuke! (Blushes) Why can't a guy and a girl just be friends?

Luke- We're friends?

Rainy- (Slaps Luke)

Thalia- No, we're not friends.

Luke- (Looks sad.)

Thalia- Oh, and having Zeus for a dad is great! He really knows what to get me on my birthday!

Amy- Hmm… Nico. Please answer your question!

Nico- Well, yes, I did first discover my powers last night. My favorite PJO character is Ethan Nakamura.

Annabeth- Why?

Nico- Because he has an awesome last name!

Amy- True… It does seem to roll off the tongue.

Everyone- (at the same time) Nakamura… (laughs slowly)

Amy- Okay! Before our next letter, we're going to bring out our next special guest! He doesn't speak English, so he has an interpreter with him. Jeff, theme music!

Jeff- (plays a record)

He's a semi aquatic, egg laying mammal of action…

He's a furry little flat foot, who never flinched from afrai-e-a-e-aid!

He's got more than just mad skill, he's got a beaver tail and a bill.

And the ladies swoove whenever they hear him say… (Variation of clacking noises)

Cause he's Perry… Perry the Platypus!

Amy- I love that song!

Everyone else- (Has their head tilted to the side)

Perry the Platypus- (Walks onstage)

Amy- Thanks for joining us, agent P! Where's your interpreter?

Voice from behind curtain- I'm coming! This wheelie cart is heavy.

Grover- Wait, you brought on a Platypus? Why didn't you make me an interpreter?

Amy- Are you Perry the Platypus's nemesis?

Grover- No…

Amy- Exactly, which is why I invited Dr. Doofenschmirtz to translate Platapyse.

Percy- Platpyse?

Amy- (Sighs) The language of Platypeople.

Annabeth- Platypeople?

Amy- The plural of Platypus! Are you people catching on?

Nico- Not exactly…

Amy- (sighs) Just forget it, I don't want to over work your brains.

Luke- What brain?

Rainy- (Slaps Luke)

Amy- Exactly.

Dr. D(oofenschmirtz)- (Comes on stage with wheelie cart with a machine on it)

Amy- Dr, would you like to give us an introduction to this machine?

Dr D- Gladly. This is the brain switchinator. It switches the brains of poor souls whom I dislike. And I invented it!

Perry- (Variation of clacking noises)

Dr. D- (looks annoyed) Okay, so maybe I stole it from some kids, but who's counting? I'm an evil scientist, I steal stuff, you catching on?

Nico- (Edges away from Dr. D) Okay… and you brought in this "Brain Switchinator" because…

Dr. D- Actually, I don't know why. Amy asked me to.

Amy- Yes, because I wanted to try a little experiment. I felt that I wasn't torturing you people enough, so We're going to have some fun. And when I say we, I mean me and Rainy laughing maniacally at your people's misfortune.

Nico- Oh, no… plaes don't tell me you're going to…

Amy- Switch your brains? Yes that's exactly it. (Puts on brain protecting helmet and gives on to Rainy) FIRE IN THE HOLE! (Hits Button)

(A blinding light and everyone is on the ground except Amy and Rainy.)

L/Thalia - (Sitting up) What happened?

T/Luke - Join the Titan Army.

L/Thalia- Luke's in my body? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

N/Dr. D- Holy Schintzel, I'm in a little boy's body.

DD/ Nico- OH MY GODS, I am dresses like a Pharmacist.

PTP/Grover- COOL! I'm a Platypus!

G/ Perry- (Variation of Clacking noises)

P/Annabeth- (Eyes closed) Oh no, please don't tell me…

A/Percy- (Also Closed Eyes- That I'm in…

Both- (Sit up and open eyes) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Rainy- (Eating Popcorn) This is so cool.

Amy- Well, before we move on to the next letter, what are you going to do first?

T/Luke and A/Percy- (Look at eachother, smile, then run into the bathroom)

P/Annabeth and L/Thalia- NO! (Chase after them)

Amy- If anyone is confused, L is the first letter of the name of that Person's body, and the whole name that's written is that Person's brain.

Rainy- Switching Brain's really is a confusing concept.

Amy- Good thing we wore our helmets!

L/Thalia and P/Annabeth- (Drag their bodies out of the bathroom) **(A/N: My head hurts)**

Amy- Okay, sorry about this people, but we have to go now. With all of this confusion, and weird happenings. I PROMISE I will open at least 3 letters next time. Sorry! Also, we have to say good bye to last times special guest... Rainy.

Audience- (cries)

Amy- Goodbye, Rainy.

Rainy- See ya, Amy. (Disappears in a swirl of fire)

Weird voice from above- Geico, 15 minutes can save you 15 or more on car insurance.

DD/Nico- Cool car.

PTP/Grover- I want one.

Amy- Okay, join us next time for an episode that is hopefull not as messed up as this. Until then, I'm Amy, and behind me are a bunch of other random people. See Ya!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**If you were confused, sorry. I was, too. Don't forget to vote on the poll for the next special guest!, and blah blah blah, all of that other stuff. Thanks for watching.**


	7. Crazy Glue Chapstick

Weird old lady sitting on stage- Hello everybody. Welcome to **How To Knit With Your Grandma**! With special guests, Miley Cyrus and Silena Gomez

Miley- We are so excited that we get to knit!

Silena- I'm going to make baby booties!

Old Lady- Yes, so let's begin.

( A knocking comes from outside the stage)

Old Lady- Oh, don't mind that. It's just… rats.

(Knocking comes even louder, then smashing wood)

Miley- Oh my gosh! What is that, granny?

Amy- (Hops in while tied up with a rope) That's no granny!

Silena- (GASP) You lied to us? You told us you were our long lost grandmother!

Old Lady- And I am, dear.

Amy- No she's not!

Annabeth- (Walks in beside Amy looking really mad while carrying a knife) Don't let her innocence fool you! She's really—

Amy- (Shouts over Annabeth) NO! I want to say the dramatic announcement! She's really… KRONOS!

Audience- (Gasp)

Annabeth- (Cuts Amy free while the rest of the cast walks in, already free)

Amy- (Pulls off granny's head, which is a cleverly disguised mask).

Miley- (Breaks into tears) Now I will never know who my real granny is!

Kronos- Actually, I really am your grandpa. And Silena's. You two are cousins.

Both Supermodels- (Run up to hug Kronos) PAPPY!

Amy- Well, Dr. D left this morning to rob a bank, and Perry stopped him, so… Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to our new special guests, Kronos, Miley, and Silena!

Miley- Daughter of Hermes say wha?

Grover- This isn't gonna turn out well.

Luke- ( Walks up to Miley) Hey, hot stuff.

Miley- Hey, equally hot stuff

(Both begin to kiss)

Luke- (Breaks away) You know, my dad gave me the talk.

Miley- What talk?

Thalia- (Gets really red in the face, which is also the way she acts when she's jealous).

Amy- Well, as you know, everyone, I switched our stars brains last episode. In case you didn't pick it up, their brains got switched back.

Percy- You didn't switch back my brain.

Amy- There was nothing to switch back.

Kronos- Haw haw haw, the little Hero just got dissed!

Amy- Shut it, evil dude.

Kronos- Yes Ma'am.

Amy- Alright, let's get a move on! This letter is from, Percabeth and Thuke ROX!

Grover- Didn't you already answer one of her letters?

Amy- Well, she writes really good questions!

Grover- Your audience won't like that.

Amy- TO THE LETTER!

Hey its me...agian.

So..yeah...  
Luke- You are evil!I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN THUKE ANY MORE!AND YOU ARE NO LONGER CUTE! What was your little sister's name?  
Nico- oh...YOU STILL DID NOT ANSWER MY OTHER QUESTIONS!  
Annabeth- yeah, its weird that I look like you huh? How do you feel about the up comming movie- The Lighing Theif?  
Thaila- Question- Do you think that if Luke wasn't evil, you weren't turned into a tree, and you weren't a hunter that you would date Luke?  
Calypso- -shakes head and makes the tsk sound- OK...But he choose Annabeth, not you, and your still messing up Percabeth(SQUE!).

Amy- Luke, we all know you are evil, but what was your sister's name?

Luke- Laya.

Everyone but Luke- (Busts out laughing.)

Luke- What? My parents met at a Star Wars convention.

Annabeth- Did they do her hair in the little buns?

Luke- Yes, I cut those off first.

Everyone- (Stays silent for a while)

Amy- Anyway, Nico, appearently, you didn't answer your last questions, so here they are now

Nico- YOU RULE!AND IF I WAS THERE, I WOULD JUMP ON TO THE STAGE, CUZ I THINK THE YOU'RE CUTE!Whats it like to have Hades as a dad?What was it like to live in the Underworld?What would you do if your dad was in the audience?

Nico- Well, I have been told numerous times that I'm cute. ( Looks at Silena) Especially the Ladies (Winks) Anyway, I don't really live in the underworld. I've been there, once or twice, but it's pretty much all that it's cracked up to be. Dad is… alright. I don't think he's very experienced at raising kids, since his other kids were people like Hitler, and Napolean.

Amy- You're the half-brother of Hitler?

Nico- Sadly. Anyway, if my dad were in the audience, I would run away screaming because of what I just said.

Percy- It's rough having One of the Big Threes for a parent.

Thalia- Yeah, the hardest.

Amy- I shall now take this time to gloat… HAHAHAHAHAHA! Your daddy's are givin' you a hard time!

(Random Lightning bolt, horse, and dead soul break through the roof and attack Amy)

Amy- (Runs in circles) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kronos- That's what you get when you're a half-blood.

Miley- You tell them, Pappy.

Lightning Bolt- (Strikes Miley, too)

Miley- Ah! My very expensive hair!

Amy- Phew! Okay, Annabeth, your turn. How do you feel about the upcoming movie?

Annabeth- Well, I was pretty excited about it, but I just heard some disturbing news today.

Percy- What?

Annabeth- The release date of the movie got moved from November 13th 2009 to July 2nd, 2010.

Amy- WHAT? NOOOOO!!!! (Goes into an angry rage and beats up Kronos in the process)

Kronos- Ow...

Miley- GRANDPA! NO!

Kronos- (Clutches his heart) Tell Athena... that I always loved her...

Annabeth- EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Amy- Hmm, interesting reaction.

Grover- I'd give her a 10 for lung strength.

Thalia- How does one person hold it for so long?

Amy- Well, Thalia- answer you question.

Thalia- For the very last time, people... I WOULD NEVER, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS, DATE LUKE!

Amy- How about a million and one?

(Lightning bolt strikes Amy)

Silena- Wow, you have an over protective dad.

Amy- Umm, okay, CLaypso's not here, so let's move onto the next letter!

Annabeth- Happy happy, joy joy.

Amy- This next letter is from... Siege Exit:

this show is the best

Grover- what are your feelings on eating scargo(snails)?  
Calypso-can you give me directions to your island? i'll stay  
with you forever!  
Amy- kiss Annabeth! i dare you on the river styks!  
Nico- can you my kill home ec. teacher for me?

Thanks, Siege

Grover- Eew, no way, not snails. They're like little slimy people.

Amy- Wow, you were fast to react to that letter.

Grover- Well, I have to stand up for snail kind.

Amy-... Okay. My turn. Hmmm, how do you say, LE NO!

Annabeth- What? I'm not good enough to kiss?

Percy- No one kisses my girl friend!

Amy- No one wants to kiss your girlfriend!

Percy- I do!

Luke- Prove it!

Percy- (Kisses Annabeth full force)

Annabeth- (Kisses back)

Audience- Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Percy- (Tries to pull away, but can't.)

Annabeth- (same problem)

Amy- Oh, hehe, you know that chapstick that gave you guys before old granny here tied us up?

Kronos- (Smiles and waves)

Percy- Mmhmm.

Amy- That wasn't chapstick... that was super glue.

Annabeth- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! (Grabs knife and throws at Amy)

Amy- (Dodges knife) Don't worry, I'm sure it'll ware off in a few... months.

Percy- (Summons a wave that washes away super glue and hits Amy all at the same time.)

Amy- (Soaking wet) I deserved that.

Silena- (Walks onstage) Hey does anyone mind if I use this chapstick?

Kronos- Wait, baby girl! Do--

Nico- (Covers Kronos's mouth) Sure, go ahead!

Silena- (Puts on chapstick) Yum, it's kind of mango flavored.

Nico- (Runs up and kisses Silena, but when pulls back, lips come apart.)

Silena- EEK! What the heck was that for?

Nico- Umm, our lips were supposed to get stuck together.

Amy- Umm, Nico... this is the superglue. (Pulls out a bottle of chapstick)

Nico- (Laughs nervously and looks back at Silena)

Silena- I KISSED A TWELVE YEAR OLD AND... AND... I liked it.

Audience- (In shock)

Amy- Well, before you get back to kissing, Nico, answer yuor question.

Nico- Sorry, I don't kill teachers unless their furies. (Kisses Silena)

Amy- Alright, after that lovely display, let's open our next letter! This one is from... Percabethrulez:

Oh... my head... *rubs temples*

Ok, i'm better now. here are mt questions/statements:

Nico: well, um, how to put this? ok, here, my best firend, Elle, has a thing for you and likes pharmacists. So, um, yeah. you might want to watch out for ella here... *points to air* wait, ella? ELLA?! *walks out screen* *comes back* well, um, Ella sort of escaped, so u might want to be care full nico... *goes out of screen* Ella... hey, look! a twix wrapper! Wait, TWIX?! *runs to screen* um, nico, RUN! Ella's on sugar high and is looking for you. RUN! RUN! Run, to... to... Mexico! Yeah, Mexico! Leave america! RUN B4 ELLA GETS U!

P/annabeth, A/Percy: ... *stares for few minutes* ... *turns to Amy* HAHAHAHAHAHA! UR A GENIUS!

Thalia in lukes body: cant you destroy him right now, i mean, your body would still be intact?

Rainy: BYE!

(the message shown after the number nine must be shown after nico leaves) 9. *out of screem* whare could she b... Hey! a note! *reads note* "Dear Percabethrulez, i'm going to mexico to find my nico of a pharmacist. Don't try to stop me, it's something i have to... do." *looks at screen* ... this is bad

Amy- Wow, Nico, looks like you might want to run while you can.

Nico- Pfft, I can handle anything.

(Nearby wall is broken down and Ella runs in)

Ella- NICO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nico- Oh no.

Amy- Sugar can do crazy things to people.

Ella- (Grabs Nico and ties him up, and drags him out the hole in the wall.)

Nico- (In high voice) Help me, help me!

Luke- (Stares in awe) Why don't girls ever do that to me?

Kronos- Because they're stupid girls. Smart girls are the ones that like you.

Luke- Really?

Kronos- Psst, NO!

Luke- (Looks down)

Amy- Alrighty then, Thalia, why didn't you destroy Luke while you were in his body?

Thalia- Well, because... I don't think that killing people is right.

Grover- Ha! Not according to **Thalia the Hunter** By Jason Strong!

Annabeth- Oh yeah! I read that!

Amy- So you're obviously not a pacifist. What the real reason.

Thalia- None of your beeswax!

Percy- HA! Did you really just say beeswax?(Is struck by lightning)

Amy- OKay, fine, whatever.

Nico- (Comes back in with purple lip marks all over his face) Ugggh...

Silena- Eew, that's the ugliest shade of lipstick I've ever seen.

Nico- It's not lipstick. She kissed me so hard that it left bruises. (Shivers) I may never kiss again.

Amy-... Well, I fulfilled my promise and opened three letters, now we have time for one more! This is from... PersonWhoNeedsToGetAnAccout's OC Katia Henshasea:

Percy: No, that wasn't me. I was the tall, blond girl standing next to her that was trying to get her to calm down. That was my friend and Luke(y)'s half sister Becca Waltzensteal. Are you ever ging to try to surf? Have you eaten sushi? Are you ever going to stop cleaning up the barf?

Annabeth: Please don't kill Becca. Becca+caffine+StarWars=hyperness and the end of the world. (Also, if you ever deniy Percabeth, I know your half-brother Dan Intera)

Thalia: How does Phoebe get on your nerves?

Nico: How did you get so distracted that Percy could steal your chicken?

Luke(y): THE BURN COOKIES TASTE GOOD! How about us procrastinators unite when you stop working for the forces of evil (even though I'm half over their myself)...How many half-sibs do you have? Why did you kill your sister?

Grover: How do you get a fur wedgie? Whose Juniper's boyfriend (I think I already know this but stiil)?

Amy: Gruniper sounds funny. And you were so blushing! Are Beckendorf, silena or Juniper going to show up? Can you totur Luke(y) more?

Katia Henshasea

Amy- Well Percy, what do you say to that?

Percy- Well, I am going surifng this summer, and I love sushi. And as of right now I will no longer clean up barf.

Amy- Really?

Percy- Really.

Amy-... You missed a spot.

Percy- (Automatically gets down on hands and knees and begins to scrub)

Amy- Muahahahahaha!

Kronos- That was a very good evil laugh! You should join the Titan Army!

Amy- Le no.

Miley- No one tells my daddy no!

Amy- Clam it, pop princess.

Miley- (clams it)

Amy- Annabeth, you may proceed.

Annabeth- I won't kill her, but she better not ever hug my guy again. And I don't deny Percabeth.

Amy- Interesting, and if she were to ever hug Percy again?

Annabeth- I would eat her brains for breakfast.

Amy- How nutritional. Thalia, please come to the stands.

Thalia- Phoebe gets on my nerves, because she always acts like she's the best in the hunt and treats me like such a child!

Amy- Aww, how about I give you a cookie to make you feel better?

( Another lightning bolt strikes)

Amy- (Looks up at the sky) How many of those things do you have up there?

Nico- May I take my turn?

Amy- Please do.

Nico- I was distracted by the Tv, what else?

Amy- Wow, Nico, you let your chicken slip away because of television.

Nico- Well, I was watching Dancing With the Stars!

Annabeth- Ha! You watch Dancing With the Stars?

Nico- Umm... no....

Amy- Well then, it's time for Luke to tell us why he killed his little sister.

Kronos- Luke killed his little sister?

Grover- His little baby sister.

Kronos- Wow... Good job, Luke. I'm so proud of you!

Luke- Well, I killed my little sister because, until she came along, I was the only child, which meant I got the moth attention. Then when she was born, mom stopped paying all of the attention to me and gave her some of it. Grr, I was so mad that I just killed her!

Thalia- That's evil.

Percy- Horrible.

Miley- Beautilful! Good job!

Amy- Well, after that disturbing childhood memory, let's move onto Grover's question. PLease explain how you got that fur wedgie.

Grover- Well, I got hung from a flagpole by my hide...

Annabeth- Lovely.

Grover- And the fur kind up bunched up and rubbed me the wrong way.

Percy- (Shudders) Thank you, for that image in my heasd that I will now need therapy to get over.

Grover- You need therapy? I was hanging from a flagpole by the skin on my butt!

Percy- Toushe (sp?)

Amy- Well, I guess it's time to go now.

Annabeth- Hey, Amy, you didn't answer your question yet.

Amy- (Gives Annabeth a death glare) Would you look at that, I didn't.

Luke- Wait, you didn't?

Amy- OKay, I will most likely bring all of them on the show, probably... eventually...

Annabeth- Amy, what about the other part.

Amy- I was not blushing! Why would I blush? I have no reason to blush, none at all. (Eyes dart from side to side nervously.)

Percy- Mmhmm, what about--

Amy- Well that's all the time we have! Don't forget to send in your letters to the stars, including special guests Kronos, Miley Cyrus, and Selena Gomez!

Annabeth- Hey, you can't just--

Amy- And don't forget to vote on the poll on my profile, and join us next time for... **Fan Mail With the Stars!**

(Annabeth begins to say something but screen goes dark)

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx**

**Muahaha, sorry. Suagr... Anyway, send in plenty of letters for your favorite stars, or your least favorite, in the case of Miley. Thanks for reading, and vote on the poll for the next special guest, I cleared some of the votes so you might get another. Sorry I didn't update sooner, my laptop died on me, making things kind of hard for updating. I'll try to update sooner this time!  
**


	8. When Whippersnappers Bamboozle

Hey, people. I know what you're probably wondering: Why update? I thought you discontinued Fan mail… Well, I was thinking a few days ago about how cruel it is when you really like a TV show, and it gets cancelled before the run is over. In other words, I had Invader Zim on my mind, and I was depressed cause Nick ended it half way into the season. Then I realized that, by ending Fan Mail, people might be feeling the same way. So why would I want to do that to people? So I've decided that this episode is the Season 1 finale, and season two will be getting a whole new format (possible). So don't thank me for updating… Thank Invader Zim for making me realize what I did. Anyways… ON WITH THE FINALE! XXXXXXX

Amy- Hey everyone! Welcome back to **Fan Mail with The Stars**!!!

Audience- (Screams)

Annabeth- (Screams in fear)

Amy- Anyway, Today we'll be having two special guests. One of them will only stay for this episode. The other will stay regular length.

Percy- Why is one leaving early?

Amy- Oh, you'll see.

Nico- (Hides behind Selena)

Miley- Lukey, honey, I'm scared.

Luke- I am too, dear… I am too.

Amy- As you should be. So before we do get started on these letters, let's bring out these guests only. First, I'm going to do a random drawing out of all of my e-mail.

Kronos- How do you randomly draw e-mails?

Amy- Zip it, I'm building suspense.

Grover- (Chews nails)

Luke- (Grabs Miley's hand)

Amy- And the winner is…

(Five minutes of silence)

Annabeth- JUST TELL US ALREADY!!!  
Amy- you made me lose the suspense, now we must wait five more minutes.

(Five minutes later)

Nico- (Turns purple from anxiety)

Amy- Okay, the next special guest on this show is… Percabethrulez! With this winning sign in letter:

hi.

Wow, great word. well anyways...

i was wondering if i could end up on your talk show. lol, it would be fun

torturing luke with my "glare"

glares at computer screen

computer screen pops then emits blue smoke

Me: oh no! not again! throws bucket of water on computer.

5 minutes later

hehe, sorry about that. anyway, i was wondering if you could pm me back about

this, 'casue i would REALLY like to go on your show. ok, now i'm curious, how

many people have actually sent you a message EXACTLY like this, begging you to

allow them to be on your show. stares at number of messages oh... shows sad

face alright then... walks away sadly

hehe, alrighty then, i'll leave you alone now, but please just consider

putting me on your ,percabethrulez

p.s. on the off chance you DO pick me, you can call me Serena on the show

incase percabethrulez is to long to repeat. Serena is not my real name, but i

like how it sounds. k, bye!

Amy- Alright, so let's bring Percabethrulez, or "Serena," on here.

Serena- (Walks onstage) Hey! I can't believe I got picked!

Amy- Rambling can help you succeed. I would know, it helps me out in social studies a lot!

Annabeth- How does it help?

Amy- You just keep going until class is over.

Percy- That's a good idea. I'll have to try that.

Serena- (Sits down)

Kronos- Hi! Will you join the Titan Army?

Serena- (Does a Vulcan neck pinch on Kronos)

Kronos- (Falls on floor)

Nico- Okay… so who's the second guest?

Amy- (Sighs) She's Juniper, the horrible and evil tree that we all know and hate, who is—

Grover- Can we not trash her so much? I'm still getting over her being my girlfriend and then our… breakup…

Amy- Just forget about Juniper.

Grover- How can I forget about her? You're bringing her on the show!

Amy- If I give you amnesia will you forget?

Serena- (Holds up club ready to make Grover forget)

Grover- (Bleats in fear)  
Amy- Right then! So… here she is. Let's all give a cold welcome to… Juniper.

Audience- BOOOO!  
Juniper- (Walks on stage with tree tied to her back, and a bag of dirt tied around the roots)

Audience- (Throws stuff)

Amy- (Throws a Wild Boar, but misses)

Random Guy- YOU STINK!

Amy- Okay! Now that we've gotten that out of our systems, it's time for our first letter from… Hannah Tran!

Amy: LUV UR FANFICTION!  
Percy and Annabeth: Can I come to ur wedding? I've got a great present that involves both owls and water!  
Thalia: Please don't kill me, but I was once a fan of thaluke(yes it is real), and still am i dare u on the river styx to kiss luke!  
Luke: Kronos is evil! If u luv Thalia, quit the Titan's army and maybe she'll reconsider.(one out of a thousand chance that is)  
Grover: I've got a bag of tin cans want them?  
As for Amy, don't stop writing! This is one of my fav fanfictions ever!:)

Amy- Alright! Percy and Annabeth, you have people planning your wedding, how about that!

Percy- Well, I am very scared…

Annabeth- But we like presents!

Percy- But we're not getting married!

Annabeth- (Looks at Percy with a fiery death glare)

Percy-… Yet.

Annabeth- (Smiles and gives Percy a dog biscuit.)

Miley- Hey! I want a dog biscuit.

Luke- Honey, those aren't fat free dog biscuits…

Miley- Oh… never mind!

Amy- … Well, I'm gonna need therapy after this! Anyway, Thalia!

Thalia- I am not, under any circumstances, going to—

Luke- (Kisses Thalia in the middle of her rant)

Audience- GASP!  
Thalia- (SCREAMS LIKE HADES)

Amy- That was…

Serena- Really…

Amy and Serena- Weird!

Thalia- (Pulls out electric spear)

Luke- Oh, gods.

Miley- Luke! How could you?

Luke- Miley, we've had our laughs. It's been fun, but… I'm going to have to break up with you.

Miley- WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Luke- I need some time to grow up...

Miley- But I can change!

Luke- It's not you, it's me.

Miley- Please, give me another chance!

Luke-I promise it won't hurt as much tomorrow

Miley- (Runs away crying)

Luke- (Turns and smiles at Thalia)

Thalia- (Sticks her electric spear up Luke's nose)

Luke- AHH!

Thalia- NEVER (stab) EVER (stab) EVER (stab) KISS (stab) ME (stab) AGAAAAAAAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Spear goes in Luke's stomach on one side and comes out on the other.)

Amy- That is gonna hurt in the morning.

Serena- I'll call the Apollo medical service.

Amy- No, let's just leave him like that.

Luke- (Miraculously alive) I'll be right back. (Goes into bathroom and comes out with bandages around his stomach.)

Amy- Darn, I really shouldn't supply bandages.

Annabeth- How are we supposed to keep going with blood all over the floor?

Amy- (Snaps fingers) Percy, get your mop.

Percy- I am not cleaning one more thing up!

Amy- Really?

Percy- Yep!

Amy- Alright. I'll be right back, I just have to make a special call to Ogygia.

Percy- (Reaches behind him and pulls out mop)

Amy- Aww, who's a good boy?

Percy- (Grumbles to self as he cleans up)

Amy- Okay, so I guess that Luke and Thalia have answered their questions… so Grover! (Smiles brightly)

Grover- (Looks at Juniper, and then away) No thanks, I'm on a tin can diet.

Juniper- (Tweedles thumbs)

Amy- (Purses lips and gives Juniper a death glare) Thanks, I will.

Annabeth- (Whispers something to Percy)

Percy- (Falls over laughing) You're right, she is!

Amy- … Anyways. The next letter is from…

(Five minutes later)

Jeff- Hey, umm, Amy, we're on a time schedule.

Amy- Time schedule? I don't pay you to remind me about a time schedule!

Jeff- Then what do you pay me for?

Amy-… I don't know.

Jeff- … Fine with me.

Amy- Well! Let's get on with our second letter of the day!

Kronos- (Breaks down crying)

Miley- (kneeling down by Kronos) (Whispering) Pappi, don't make a scene.

Kronos- Oh, thank you for always being there for me, baby girl.

Miley- … Wait, you are paying me for being nice to you, right.

Kronos- Umm… I hadn't planned on it.

Miley- (Stands up immediately) EEP! Get away from me old man!

Kronos- (curls into ball and gets silent)

Grover- Well _that_ was the scariest thing I've ever seen.

Amy- Let's do it again!

Everyone else- (gives Amy a glare for being insensitive promptly after finishing pointing and laughing at Kronos)

Amy- Fine. This next letter comes to us from… "dog."

Annabeth- Dog?

Dog- (who runs on stage) YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY NAME?

Annabeth- (pointing back and forth between dog and off stage) How did you… Where did you… heh?

Amy- Alright, since you're here. Dog, you can tell us what we have to say…

Dog- … Okay:

hi! I have something for Percy,Annabeth,Amy,Thalia,and Grover!  
(takes out 5 super cute puppies with those big puppy dog eyes no one can resist) There you go! Oh, if you say attack, they turn into vicious hellhounds!  
Luke: I hate you! You ruin Percabeth! (takes out largest most vicious hellhound ever imagened) "Sic him,boy!" Bye!

Luke- (stares blankly at Hellhound about to tear out his throat) Oh… ****!!!!

Hellhound- (Drags Luke offstage)

Luke- (clawing wildly) MASTER! KRONOS! HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!!

Kronos- (looks up from playing with puppy) Did you say something!

Luke- AHHHHHHHHHHHH! MOOOMMMMMYYYYY!!!! HELP ME! OH MY- GAHHHH!!! YAAAARRRRGGHH!!!!! OOOOH! AH! AH! AH! OH NO! OH NO! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! MMMOMOMOMOMMMMMMY!!!!

Dog- Umm… the Hellhound hasn't even started to attack you yet…

Luke- Oooooh….

Amy- Thanks, Dog. You're awesome! (Looks off stage towards Luke, where gruesome noises have begun to sound)

Dog- No problem. (Leaves)

Juniper- (hopefully) Was that the guest who was meant to leave?

Amy- (Laughs) Oh, you wish.

Juniper- (Looks miserable, but has only her tree to hug)

Amy- (sets her dog in her lap just as Luke crawls back on stage, looking like Ares' punching bag) Anyway, our next letter comes to us from La Tua Cantante101!

Percy- I'm already afraid.

Amy- Huh?

Percy- Her name scares me.

Amy-… ON WITH THE LETTER!

Percy-OMG I LOVE YOU (in a brotherly way dont kill me annabeth please) Can you teach me how to surf i really suck at it.  
Annabeth- You and Percy go GREAT together i would NEVER tear you does it feel to have Athena as a Mother?  
Thalia-You are my FAVORITE character EVER and i would SO join Artemis if i didnt have a crush on a guy but if we dont work out i will join because i will be crushed.  
Luke-GO DIE IN A HOLE! NOW! Also even if u liked Thalia she would NEVER go out with u NEVER! Also eat burnt cookies theyre yummy  
Kronos-Did u know Rick Riordan spelled ur name wrong its actually Chronos lol just thought id mention that Also U SHOULD ALSO DIE IN A HOLE (even if you cant die GO DIE)  
Nico-hi *blushes a lot* Your so awesome you um *starts stammering* I was just umm wondering umm would you like to go out some time also i LOVE burnt cookies! theyre so addicting  
Amy-yourare the Best "tv host" *cough author cough* EVER  
Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus-U SHOULD JUST GO LIKE LUKE DID DAMN IT!  
Finally last but NOT least (if shes here and she should be) Rainy- I love DGT and FFDE theyre totally awesome  
Sorry its so long,  
Maddie/Nico lover/La tua Cantante101  
PS have any1 of you read twilight its really good book and if not then u should read it- (gals only)

Amy- Didn't we already answer something about surfing?

Percy- Dude, it's your show. Don't complain to me.

Amy- o_0

Percy- Anyways, of course. I'll be opening a surfing class this summer, three levels: Beginning, Middle, and Poseidon!

Amy- Aww, someone luvs dere daddy, don't dey!

Percy- Hey Amy… Shut up.

Serena- (Smacks Percy on the back of the head!)

Percy- (looks at Serena.) I forgot you were here!

Serena- Just reminding you.

Amy- You should be taking notes, Percy. Anyway, Thalia?

Thalia- You shouldn't have crushes on guys. All they do is betray you…Hurt you on the inside and out… Leave you to gather up the pieces of your shattered heart.

Luke- (stands up) Thalia, what jerk did this to you? I'll kill him.

Thalia- (looks disgusted by Luke's idiocy)

Amy- Oo-kay. Luke, bro! You got another death threat! Aren't you lucky?

Luke- (looks sad) I don't understand why everyone hates me…

Amy- Real mystery… (Looks down) Hey, where'd my puppy go?  
Puppy- (peeing on Luke)

Amy- Good dog!

Luke- … It's not the first time.

Amy- Would you like to answer your question now?

Luke- No! I will not eat the burnt cookies!

(Everyone looks at Nico, who is eating a burnt cookie)

Nico- … What?

Percy- How did you describe those cookies again?

Nico- Umm, delicious?

Annabeth- What else?

Nico- (suddenly realizes what they mean) Addictive…

Thalia- And who are they from?

Nico- (guilty now) The Emos.

Amy- What happened to the DARE song?

Nico- They don't have DARE in the Underworld.

(DARE song plays for a little while)

Jeff- (turns off radio)

Amy- … Luke, after that annoying disruption, please do us a favor and die in a hole.

Luke- But I don't want to die in a hole.

Puppy- (growls)

Luke- (sighs and grabs a shovel) I'll be out back.

Thalia- (face twitch)

Amy- … That worked out better than I'd thought. Kronos?

Kronos- (enraged) Say WHAT!!!!?

Annabeth- (cringing) Dude, you're a grandpa, you don't say things like that.

Kronos- Then what do I say?

Annabeth- Well, what did they say back in your time?

Kronos- (thinks for a minute) … Golly gee whiz! That young whippersnapper bamboozled us all!

Percy- (in shock) That was really scary.

Amy- Nico?

Nico- Umm… sure? We can meet at the Emo peoples club! They have depressing poetry reading every Friday night.

Percy- What kind of a first date is that?

Nico- A very good one!

Percy- You probably already scared her off!

Amy- Guys, can we get past this?

Nico- Well I—

Amy- Thank you. Miley, Selena?

Disney Girls- Yeah?

Amy- … Actually, just Miley. I've actually seen a little more of your work Selena, and you're actually a pretty cool person.

Selena- Aww, thanks Amy. (hug)

Miley- Don't I get a hug?

Amy- Nope! You can join Luke out back.

Miley- You mean I get to go help Luke dig a hole? Oh yah! (runs out back)

Thalia- (sits angrily in chair for about five seconds before exploding) NO! YOU KEEP AWAY FROM HIM POP PRINCESS!!!! (Runs after her)

(five minutes later)

Thalia and Luke come back in not looking at each other.

Amy- What happened?

Thalia- Eh, she escaped to Mexico.

Everyone- …?

Amy- Umm… alright let's go to the next—

She's interrupted by the lights shutting off and power going out.

Grover- Oh my Zeus! Why did that happen?

Jeff- (walking onstage) Hey, Amy, we've lost power. Everything's gone off.

Amy- (starting to tremble) Then why is the camera still working?

Jeff- We had a backup on that.

Amy- Well… don't worry, there's no problem I can't s-s-s-solve.

Percy- (mockingly) St-st-st-studder much?

Amy- No, it's just freezing in here! On a summer day! (Hugs puppy, trembling)

Jeff- Well, this should be interesting.

Amy- (thinking hard) Wait, I have an idea! (turns to audience) Is anyone her a smoker?

Random Guy- Ooh, I am!

Amy- (goes to guy) Can I use your lighter?

Random Guy- Sure…? (Hands over lighter)

Amy- Thanks… Oh, and (slaps guy)… SMOKING HURTS INNOCENT PEOPLE! QUIT IT!

Percy- Isn't she charming?

Annabeth- Heck, she knows what she wants.

Amy- Okay, now we're gonna start a bonfire… (walks around stage, pretending to think.)

Amy trips in a _seemingly_ accidental way, dropping lighter on top of Juniper's tree.

Juniper screams- AGGGGHHHH! I'M BURNING! OH MY GODS! PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT!  
Everyone else- (watches with big eyes as flames grow) Ooh…. Pretty.

Five minutes later…

Amy- Well, thank you for joining us for this week's finally.

Serena- Glad that you could make it!

Amy- Please send in your comments! Join us next time on…

Everyone- **Fan Mail With The Stars**!

(Amy runs, with Serena behind her, to join the others gathered around the fire, roasting marshmallows. She blushes, which can hardly be seen in the firelight, as Grover looks at her exclusively.)

XXXXXX

**And that was the season finale. Thanks everyone, for joining us for season one of Fan Mail. I'll be writing with a new style for season two as soon as I can. Thanks for reading, please send in your questions and comments. Okay, in your reviews, I'm seriously wondering about 2 things. 1: What should I name the puppy? Cause I have no idea… and 2: Does anyone support Grovamy? (I know I do…) Cause I wouldn't want to put in anything that the audience doesn't want. Well, thanks for waiting! I hope I haven't lost my touch that some people seem to love in writing these.**


	9. Extra Episode

Nikki- Please?

Percy- Eh, no?

Nikki- GIVE ME YOUR HEELYS! RAAAWWW- Oh hi. I'm Nikki, Amy's sister. Amy couldn't make it today due to the fact that she has writers block.

Annabeth- Writers block? I thought this was a TV show?

Nikki- (pushes Annabeth away) Move, your blocking my spotlight. Anyway, eh, welcome to FANMAIL WITH THE STARS!!

Audience- (cheers)

Nikki- Since this is a new season, Amy gave me a list of things to do. (takes out list) chocolate, sugar, cheese- wait, that's my shopping list. (takes out another list) Here it is. 1; Bring on guest. Hmm, (takes out phone and dials number)

Grover- Who are you calling?

Nikki- You'll see. Hi, Nny!

Audience- (cocks their heads)

Nikki- Not for Invader Idol, Amy's show. Yes Fanmail With the Stars! What do you mean you don't know how to get there?! Fine, you take the same route as Invader Idol, but instead you take a right at Hackington then go straight, and a left at Smitheens. Ok. Bye. (hangs up)

Percy- Who was that?

Nikki- A friend of mine. (A/N Nny, is from a comic I like called Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. He wants to die, but he thinks he's immortal because something always stops him from dying. He also like to kill people, but I promised Amy I wouldn't kill anyone.)

Nny- (opens door) I'm here!

Nikki- YAY! Everyone, today's special guest is…NNY FROM JOHNNY THE HOMICIDAL MANIAC!!

Audience- (cheers)

Nikki- Yea. So lets open some fanmail! This first one is from MeeptheFifth:

Okay, I'm redoing my question.  
Dear Fan Mail With the Stars,  
This one is for Luke, I love you. Really. I think I'm having an obsession. I support both Percabeth and LukexAnnabeth. w00t. I believe you will redeem yourself in the Last Olympian. Okay, Thalia time. You're cool, you know that? I have a question though. Do you have short or long hair? Annabeth, how do you feel that Luke is taken over by Kronos, betrayed the Olympians, betrayed you, etc. and do you still care for him? Percy, hi. You're cool. But listen to this, 'kay? Stop thinking Luke is so evil that he deserves to die! Okay, Grover =D. Hello. As noted in the Titan's Curse, I like Jesse McCartney too! Well, I did, but after Beautiful Soul, I didn't like him anymore. =, why? Why do you hate Luke so much? Why??!?!?!

Nikki- What can I say, what is wrong with you? Wonderful letter, but, yea, your different, I encourage you for that. Luke?

Luke- Well, thanks for the offer, Meep, but I have found love with someone else. (stares deep into Miley's eyes)

Nikki- (summons hellhound)

Hellhound- (rips roof off studio)

Nikki- Cuddles, sick'er!

Hellhound- (grabs Miley and stomps away)

Luke- (looks shocked)

Nikki- I like this job.

Luke- (looks into camera) Ok, Meep, meet me in one hour, the bowling alley. (sniff) That's where Miley and I always went.

Nikki- (bags Luke's head) Annabeth?

Annabeth- Well, I'm glad you support those things, but I'm really not in love with either of them.

Percy- Are you saying I wouldn't make a good boyfriend.

Annabeth- No! You'd make a great boyfriend! And a great husband!

Percy- Well you'd make a better wife!

Annabeth- Fine! Let's get married and see who's better!

Percy- Fine! But there won't be ponies at the wedding!

Annabeth! Well fine! Then we'll have unicorns!

Percy- Good!

Annabeth- Fine!

Percy- Wonderful!

Nikki- Awesomefuliciouslytasticalarific! (grabs popcorn)

Percy and Annabeth- (stare at Nikki)

Nikki- Oh, right. Thalia?

Thalia- Well, thanks. A lot of people look up to me because I'm awesome. I have mediumish hair. It used to be long but I let Artimis cut it.

Nikki- Can I cut it?

Thalia- No!

Nikki- (puts scissors away) Fine. Grover.

Grover- Well who doesn't like Jesse McCartny. He's a hunk!

Everyone-…

Grover- I mean, yea, he's aight.

Nikki- Wow. Ok, I think I'll answer Amy's question. LUKE IS A (beep beep beep) IN A TUX (beep beep) THE MACARANA (beep beep beep) TIGHT BLUE SHORTS (beep beep beep) BATHROBE (beep beep beep beep) DRAGONFLY (beep beep beep beep) FASHION DESIGNER (beeeeeeeep) WITH NICK JONAS!!

Luke- …

Nikki- Ok, next letter. This is from InSaNiTyRuLeSmE:

I support Grovamy.  
Here are my questions  
Nico- I LOVE YOU (fangirl scream)You are awesome! My question is, are you dating anyone? Cuz if not, I would, like, totally go out with you!  
Percy- I double dare kiss Annabeth! if not I will stalk you until you do!  
Annabeth- I double dare you to slap Luke VERY hard.  
Thalia- Do you love Luke? And don't kill me but I totally support Thuke. (hides underneath desk)  
Luke- Why do you pretend that you don't like Thalia?  
Awesome story! Please keep writing!

Nikki- Ok, before I ask Nico to give his opinion may I say HE IS MINE!! Except when Zim is mine (A/N Invader Zim is a old TV show that I am obsessed with). Mmhmm, yes, support ZaNr people! (A/N ZaNr is Zim and Nikki romance). Ok, Nico?

Nico- I'm too scared to answer. Why do girls like me? Huh? Why can't some girl like Percy!

Nikki- Because everyone supports Percabeth. Percy?

Percy- Kiss Annabeth?

Nikki- See, if you really wanted him to kiss her, you should have triple-dog dared him. Annabeth?

Annabeth-Hmm…slap Luke? I dunno…but…OKAY! (slaps Luke)

Luke- Ow! Why am I so hated?

Nikki- Luke, I don't even think your mother loves you. Thalia?

Thalia- I do NOT love Luke. I will never, ever EVER love Luke.

Luke- (cries) Well fine! Then our dinner date tonight is off!

Thalia- Shh! (covers Luke's mouth)

Nikki- Ok, and Luke, care to answer your question.

Luke- Eh, Luke is not here right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you soon.

Nikki- Okay. (takes out megaphone and holds it to Luke's ear) WHY DO YOU PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T LIKE THALIA!!??

Luke- (goes def) …What?

Nikki- Anyway, this next letter is from Jake and Drake:

Percy: I think boys with black hair are hot, especially when they have a slim six-pack. (You do have one right? If you do, SHOW IT TO THE AUDIENCE AND TO ANNABETH!)

Annabeth: Have you seen the Stonehenge? The Spiral Minaret? Taj Mahal? The Apostolic Palace? Notre Dame? The Shwedagon Paya? I would totally travel with you to the Parthenon!

Grover: Those trees need saving (and hugging) even if one of them has dumped you. Humans need to learn better. Nowadays, people are just lazy on their butts and may end up like the space people in WALL-E. What made Juniper dump you for anyway? I would tell her off if I were you.

Nico: "I'm emo, but I'm colorful," my friend would say. Are you colorful? Are you as cute as people say? Tell Bianca I said "hi"!

Thalia: What are some of the things you hunted as a Hunter of Artemis? Do you like Linkin Park? If you do, what's your favorite song from the band? Mine is "What I've Done".

Luke: Am I the only one on that thinks your awesome? If I push out the evil Kronos part of you then I might even think your a nice guy to hang around with. Most people can't do that at all. If they see me with you, they'd probably hit me with a frying pan and I would get blackmail from shippers around the world.

Amy: Whoa! This completely made me fall out of my chair (amusingly and surprisingly). I don't care if your using the wrong format or anything! I love this! And you should name your puppy "Orpheus" (after the namesake). I do support Grovamy even though Gruniper is officially canon. When are you going to bring in a legendary hero from the dead? (If Nico provides.)

~Moglin (Yes I am a girl. Don't ask about the user name.)

Nikki-…interesting letter. Percy?

Percy-…eh…pass.

Nikki- Ok, Annabeth?

Annabeth- Well, I've been to some of those places, I would really like to see the Taj Mahal. I think its fascinating how its considered the most beautiful building in the world.

Nikki- Grover?

Grover- You are so very right. Humans do need to respect nature more, and people need to be vegetarians to save the animals. (looks over at Nikki who is tenderizing a steak)

Nikki- (looks up) What?

Grover- (rolls eyes)

Nikki- Alright, Nico?

Nico- Um, I'm not emo. And…I wouldn't really describe myself as…colorful.

Nikki- Mmhmm, Thalia?

Thalia- Hmm, I've hunted unicorns, that was fun. And yea, Linkin Park is da bomb. My favorite song is Numb.

Nikki- Eh, lovely, Luke?

Luke- Well apparently your not the only one who likes me, I have a date tonight.

Hermes- (breaks through wall) What? My boy finally has a date?! HOLY ZEUS!!! (hugs Luke's head)

Luke- Get off father-moron!!

Nikki- Hey! Its not cool to quote Jhonen Vasquez comics, Luke!

Hermes- Well its not every day my boy gets a DATE!! Ooh! I'll go get the baby pictures! (flies back to Olympus)

Nikki- That was…weird. Ok, I'll answer Amy's question. I just did bring someone in who was once dead, Nny.

Nny- Cha!

Nikki- Yea, he died when a monster behind a wall in his basement escaped. But then he was resurrected.

Nny- Yea, and I was SO CLOSE TO ACTUALLY KILLING THE DEVIL!!

Nikki- I know, Nny, I know. Ok, this next letter is kinda long, but its from one of my besties, Snb793!:

AH!  
Amy, You... have inspired me! XD I'm gonna update my fan mail thing!

Selina: I would just like to let you know that... wel, TAYLOR LAUTNER IS MINE! MINE I TELL YOU. MINE! How does that make you feel? Can you feel the jealousness! Werewolves are MINE! Anyways... Amy kill Selina for me. Not to mention that her namesake is a traiter. I shall not even spit in your deriction for you are NOT worthy!

Amy: XD Hey, uh, sorry. Ya knmow how you have that thing for Grover (whispered) I have the same thing for Tayler Lautner *smiles toothy grin* Well, I guess I should get to the quizzies eh?

Luke: Well, HEY BIG BWOVER! I'M YOUR SISTA LIKE AMY! I feel so bad for you. Tear. Well, ya know, if Kronos hadn't breathed evil thoughts into your head, this never would have happened. SO I forgive you. Just like Percy will. *glares at Percy*

Percy: You will, won't you Perseus? I'll get Annabeth (my cat) to rip your face off if you won't! You're my half uncle! Uncles are my favorite! *angelic smile* So, howz life? Summa is in 2 dayz. Too bad I can't talk during Monk day. You got lucky squirt.

Annabeth: Are you honored? Me, a not-famous random person, naming their cat after you? It MUST be just I don't know awesome. So, speaking in smartical language... Luke was a poor soul who lost his way, don't you thing. I'm glad you like Percy. Have an awesome life! I am SO planning your wedding. (Whoa, I hate weddings) Gray shoes and earings. Yeah...

Jeff- How iz ya Mr. Stage Dude known as Jeff. Make sure Grover doesn't catch the swine flu. Actually, he already kinda did... In my MIND! (Sorry, Invader Zim moment!)

Thalia- You rock my sox off! If I find another girl cat, I'll name her Thalia, but my kitty has Gray eyes so I couldn't name her Thalia ya know? So, ever heard of Evanescence? My favorie is Haunted. Muhahahaha. So, yeah. High-five. NO, AIR FIVE! (air five, thumbs up, gun shot, blow gun, 'Awesometastic Foolz! Applesauce Rules!')

Miley, I hope you DIE in mexico. Nico, help me here.

Nico- I am right with Rainy when I say... YOU ROCK MY SOX OFF!! More than Thalia! DOn't kill me! Howz Bianca? Ya know, she should really be a guest star. You could so use your whole, 'Let the dead taste again' thing. And speaking of guest stars, well, I'm sure Amy took care of her... Yeah, I'm right. Aren't I? XD Amy's thinking RIC (Rest in Chaos!) Is that pie? No! Burnt cookie? My FAVORITE! Steals it from hand and eats.  
'NASTY!! What did they PUT in this... stuff? Cuz it is NOT a cookie!'  
Pukes.  
'Clean that up. NOW'

Serena(Guest Star!)- How iz ya? Awesome being a star huh? I'm trying to get everyone. This is LONG! Aint that right? Probably a page! O_o. Would you be able to live through Monk Day? Taking a vow of silence and not talking at all. Not even at LUNCH!

Juniper- I loath you! Amy has at least taught me SOMETHING about life.

Random Guy who Smokes- YA know what Mr. Smaoker Guy? Huh? You know what cigerretes have done in my life? They killed my grandpa. So do your life a favor. STOP NOW! (This message was brought to you by a DARE graduate)

Grover- My mind is drawing a blank. So, how is the... incident zone doing. The whole Juniper and new boyfriend and all...

Kronos- DIe! I hate you! YOu killed my big brother. Even though. But you made hime Evil, so it is your fault. And you will not sway me with your mind games.

Amy... Can I be a guest star? Pwitty Pweze?

-Snb793 :P otherwise known (in Band of the Authors)as SARAH!

Nikki- And didn't I just make you a happy little fish when I got you Taylor Lautner's autograph? Ok, Luke.

Luke: Why is this the only episode where I get respect?

Nikki- (bags head again) No one loves you! Percy?

Percy- Yea, and now school's starting again, darn. Um, life's fine, I guess. Ya know, everything's good now that the fifth book is written and stuff.

Nikki- Well said, Annabeth?

Annabeth- Um, I think Percy and I already have the wedding thing covered. (blushes)

Audience- Awww!

Nikki- How touching. Jeff! Get out here?

Jeff- (runs in) Please don't tell me you have burritos as the guest snack again today! I suffered enough cleaning those toilets!

Nikki- Eh, no, you have fanmail.

Jeff- I do? (reads letter) Oh well, thanks. I'm doin fine, making money. Yea.

Nikki- Mmhmm, Thalia?

Thalia- I do like Evanescence. I love the song Bring Me To Life. The music video had Linkin Park in it which was AWESOME!

Nikki- Yes it was. Nico?

Nico- Burnt cookies are AWESOME dude! We should totally make a burnt cookie fanclub! Call me.

Nikki- El gasp! Nico! I thought we had something special?

Nico- I don't even know who you are!

Nikki- (grunts) Ok, Smoker Dude.

Smoker Dude-…FINE I'LL STOP!

Everyone- Yay!

Nikki- Now we must celebrate! (Waking Up In Vegas starts playing)

Everyone- (dances)

Harry from Potter Puppet Pals- Let's have a dance party…IN LONDON!

(music stops)

Jeff- Uh, the CD kinda…broke.

Nikki- What!? That was my favorite Katy Perry CD!! You will pay! Nny! Bring in the burritos.

Jeff- NOOOOO!!!

Nikki- Alright then, Grover.

Grover- Actually, I'm kinda sad that Juniper died. I…eh…still kinda liked her.

Juniper's Ghost- (breaks through a wall) KINDA?! (drags Grover away) Come on, we're going to bond!!

Grover- NOOOO!!

Nikki- (awkward llama) Anyway, sure you can be a guest star, in fact. (dials phone)

Sarah- (breaks through the last wall standing) I'm here!

Nikki- Ok, go sit next to Nny.

Sarah- (looks scared) But he's homicidal…

Nikki- I SAID GO!!

Sarah- (sits next to Nny)

Nikki- Okay, this last letter is probably the AWESOMEST ONE WE'VE HAD ALL DAY!! Its from La tua Cantante101:

YAY! u put me letter in there! :-D yea selena is actually ok but i just dont really like disney channel (disney original movies are awesome though!) YAY! i gots a date with Nico and no he didnt scare me off cause i wuv him! and tell percy that it's an AWESOME first date EMOS RULE! lol i is random hey can i be on ur show pwease! INVADER ZIM KICKS **!

Gir- (pops out of the turkey* I was the turkey all along! ME!  
Zim-I was wondering what that turkey was doing there.  
Gir- I WAS THE TURKEY!

Gir-you gonna make bisguits u gonna make biscuits YOU GONNA MAKE BISCUITS?  
Zim-NO gir NEVER mention biscuits EVER again!

YAYNESS! please let me on ur show

Nikki- Ah, an Invader Zim luvva.

Percy- But…she had no questions…

Nikki- SHUT UP PERCY AND ENJOT THE FACT THAT WE HAVE AN INVADER ZIM FANLETTER!!

Percy- meep…

Nikki- Alright, to end today's show, I'm going to show you all my favorite episode of Invader Zim.

Everyone- (groans)

Nikki-…wait…AW MAN! On Amy's list, 3; Don't show them Tak: The Hideous New Girl. (sigh) Fine. Let's just dance. (Call Me When Your Sober starts playing)

Everyone- (dances)

Nikki- And please join us next time on…FANMAIL WITH THE STARS!!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**YAY! Ok, this chapter was written by me, Nikki. If you like my work, my fanfiction username is InvaderZaTr. I mostly write for Invader Zim and Jhonen Vasquez comics if you like those things. I also write for some other things, so check out my profile to see. Writing this was a bit difficult because I have only ready four of the five books. I'm currently reading the fifth book, so I only know so much. Please tell me what you think about my writing of Fanmail With the Stars and…**

**PLHE (Peace and Love for Hobos Everywhere),**

**Nikki**

**_--_**

**_OH MY GOD, NIKKI, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SHOW! Lol, Just kidding. Anyways, this was an episode that's one of those in between the season fillers that I let my sister write for two reasons: 1, I didn't want to keep you guys waiting while I hit myself over the head with a hammer to get over writer's block, and 2, she's actually pretty good at making TV show fics. Please submit your fanmail for the next episode, which is on the way ^_^ Thank you for reading, hope you liked it._**

**_Ciao!_**

**_-Amy…_**

**_PS: Lemon lime flavored Icees are gooooooood. _**


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